Miscarriage and hair salons, you ask? No, this isn't revealing some new report out there that says hair coloring causes miscarriage, although during the last two years, I have colored my hair quite sparingly, only in true "beauty" emergencies such as on camera appearances and never when pregnant, just in case.
No, miscarriage and hair salons refers to my hair coloring experience today (remember, I'm not trying to conceive or TTC as us infertiles are known to abbreviate. Did I tell you how freaking long it took me to figure out TTC? Even longer to figure out AF. The rest is still Greek to me).
I was evening out my color because I'm doing a photo shoot tomorrow, and they're going to do really really close up shots and that multicolored, gray-strewn part down the middle of my head was not looking very photogenic.
So I'm sitting on the stool reading some gossip magazines (always better to read about the lives, loves and losses of others than my own). My eye was practically poked out by Britney Spears' bump on the cover of PEOPLE. But it was the conversation that poked me in the heart. Just a small stab, like with a toothpick made of steel with the pointy end soaked in acid. No biggie.
It was the typical hair salon "let's talk about our children" moment. It appears my hair stylist thought she might be pregnant even though she had had her tubes tied (she is 31 and has 2 kids already, 8 and 9 years old.)
"If it is meant to be, it is meant to be," she said with a sigh.
"Can you actually get pregnant if your tubes are tied?" I asked, butting my nose into someone else's fallopians.
"Oh yes. That isn't a 100% for sure procedure."
Great. Women are getting their tubes tied because they do NOT want to get pregnant and they still have a chance of it happening, and women like us who DO want to get pregnant and have perfectly formed tubes are dropping foetuses like hot potatoes. (I had to use the British spelling of foetus. So exotic.)
The rest of the conversation around me was all aflutter with pregnancy this, children that, fertile talk from fertile women. Did they not know they had a miscarrying woman in their midst? Apparently not.
"Do you have any kids?" my hair stylist asked.
"No. But I've had 4 miscarriages." Aren't I the conversation stopper? Actually, she was very nice about my social bomb. She confessed to having had 2 miscarriages of her own, then proceeded to suggest that I look into adoption.
"Some women just can't have babies, she said in a very matter-of-fact way that frankly, I wanted to slap her. "And there are so many unwanted children in the world." She continued folding my hair in foils as chemicals burned my eyes. Or was that a tear?
Yes, some women just can't have babies. And yes, I should look into adoption. This advice from my hairdresser, the fertile wonder who may be pregnant even though her tubes are like pretzels.
What did the egg and sperm do? Meet surreptitiously in some secret location, bump uglies and then sneak the fertilized wonderegg into the uterus? Please explain to me how this could happen?
I went to the hair salon to feel better about my hair and was left feeling worse about my uterus and other female parts.
That's actually one HUGE misconception. There aren't all that many adoptable children "out there". Sure there are plenty of parents who should have allowed their children to be adopted, but they don't. They keep their children, they neglect and mistreat them and they refuse to allow some one else to care for them.
People like hair salon woman really need to learn the facts rather then spouting well worn ideas that originated way back when "we" thought forcibly removing babies from unwed mothers was a good idea. Back then there where plenty of children.
Posted by: Bec | August 24, 2005 at 08:59 PM
Hi there
Just found your blog for the first time, but am going to bookmark it. I was sitting her smiling (wryly?) reading that post... how many times have I been in that same situation? I am officially "infertile" but have managed to get pregnant and lose babies twice. My favourite is the comment about women "just needing to relax, and if only they would adopt/stop IVF and stop worrying, then they would be blessed with falling pregnant on their own, like my next door neighbour/second cousin / friend of a girl at work etc.". (also a classic salon quote!)
Thanks for this blog, it's important to be able to giggle about it all too.
xx
Posted by: Hannah | July 31, 2007 at 07:33 PM
Yes, it's nice to hear from others with the same issue. You don't feel all alone. I know that the hairstylist wasn't trying to be hurtful. We all need to have a class in what to say and not to say in circumtances that we're not aware that what we say is hurtful.
Posted by: Diane | August 09, 2011 at 07:25 PM