babyfruit: the miscarriage blog and motherhood diaries

Language of Babes

I continue to be fascinated by the language development of babies. In a 24 hour period, NG can gain new words, refine her pronunciation of words she has been saying, and come up with her own words for things she hasn't yet fully identified.

Baby's Current Language

Feff or Fooodt - food
Fava - pacifier
Bock - bottle of milk
Walk (she was saying Fuk but is getting better at her "W's")
Sock
Shoe
Boot
Jacki - jacket
Coat
Hat
Hhhhuht - light
Gatt - cat
Doggie
Duck
Raff - giraffe
Iya - lion
Elcook - elephant
Moose
Mau - mouse
Boood - bird
Feeeesh - fish
Shtahz - stars
Moon
Setti - spaghetti
Appo - apple
Appoppo - pineapple
Ohgoot - yogurt
Nana - banana
Eechiss - peaches
Cheechess - cottage cheese
Cheese
Peas
Up
Down
Open
Close
Book
Mooor - more
Peeez - please
Denk Koo - thank you
Shahree - sorry
Elmo

I'll add more as I think of them.

Hawaii Blog is Here!

I'm blogging about Hawaii over here:

http://2mommies2babies.blogspot.com/

Weighty Days

Over the course of the last 6 months post partum - which would be months 12-18 after the birth of NG - I finally managed to start going to the gym at least once a week and slowly, very slowly, began shedding the pregnancy weight.

I'm no longer obsessed about my weight in the sense that I'm not trying to be "thin" anymore. Getting rid of my 7/8 clothing was a moment of peaceful acceptance. I was underweight back then, pre-pregnancy, anyway. I was a salad and pasta eater, not very conducive to healthy pregnancy.

At some point, I realized that if I wanted to have a baby, I'd have to bring my body to a more "normal" weight for my height where I had a little body fat to nourish an embryo.

During my pregnancy attempts and miscarriages, I was a comfortable size 9/10 and around 130 lbs (9.3 stone). While it took me a while to gain weight during my pregnancy, I finally did get up to 169 lbs. Post partum, I was a comfortable size 14. I say comfortable both because I was okay with this new body shape and size and also because I'd found comfortable clothing at a cheap price at Wal-Mart.

Over the last 6 months, I've slowly - ever so slowly - dropped from a size 14 to a 12 and then recently to a 10. I was waiting to see what my body would do before venturing out and buying any good professional clothes, but felt confident that I was at my new "permanent" body weight and size at the end of last year. So I went to the Gap and used my birthday gift card to buy a few new things.

And then...I gained back those last pesky, stubborn 5 pounds that made the different between a size 12 and a size 10. Those damn holiday candies and cakes and all the sweets that I normally never am interested in, but they were just THERE. Goodbye 135 lbs. Hello 140.

I'm not going to get fanatical about dieting and I sure don't know where I'll get the extra time or energy to fit in many more workouts each week, but I do have an occasion to wear my new beautiful Gap wide leg pants.

So I'll do what we women always end up doing when we put on an extra pound or two. I'll put those damn pants on lying on a bed, zip them with a vengeance, then suck it up and hope that zipper holds!

Two Mommies & Two Babies

And now for something really different.

NG and I are going on a trip with my girlfriend B. and her baby GG. This is a new development. B. had purchased tickets to Hawaii a year ago, but now her hubby cannot go. So she asked me & NG to join her.

At first, I wasn't sure how G. would react. We haven't been apart for a week before. He hasn't been away from NG except when he goes on business trips. He was very supportive from the start because he knows how important friends are to me. The locale is a side benefit - the real treat is spending a week with one of my favorite mommy friends.

I have no idea how we'll survive a 7 hour plane trip, but luckily NG and GG are best friends so hopefully they'll keep one another relatively entertained for a good chunk of that time.

The last time G. and I flew with NG, it was a total nightmare for all of us. We took a redeye, and NG absolutely refused to sleep until the very last hour. By that time, we were way too frazzled to sleep ourselves. Then I got really sick the next day - fever, congestion - and by the time we headed home, that trip was a nightmare as well. One can only hope for the best.

We'll do a little bit of beach, but not being one to sunbathe much, I'm happy that B. has a list of excursions such as the Arboretum, Aquarium, Botanical Gardens and other such places. This will be NGs first official beach trip so I'll be slathering on her sunscreen and dressing her like a mummy.

A week after we get back, NG and I are flying to the East Coast for a speaking engagement (mine) and to see grandparents (hers). G. will join us in Florida for an extra long weekend.

And then its back to Alaska.

Did I mention it was 15 below yesterday? (-27 celcius). Yeah, getting away right about now is a good thing.

Sending a letter to my Future Me

This is so great. I was just telling some friends in Second Life about sending my future self an email through the site FutureMe.org. I could not remember what I wrote or when I wrote it or when it was set to arrive. Well, it arrived today. And here it is. I need to think about it a while and then will comment on it later.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Monday, January 1, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org
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Dear FutureMe,

On Jan 1, 2007, I am sitting in my living room with my husband G. our daughter NG, and his daughter C. 

I am still barely understanding what it feels to be a mom to NG. When she looks at me, she does smile often, but I am not sure what she is thinking or feeling. I sometimes feel very attached to her and mostly am just trying to get through the day without totally freaking out.

But things have gotten so much better. For one thing, I can walk without limping almost 95% of the time. The other 5% I hobble for a few steps and then my legs and hips warm up and I can walk pretty much pain free. Giving birth was more traumatic than I imagined, at least on my body. Being a mother is more traumatic than I imagined on my psyche.

I try not to be negative all the time. I try to find humor in the pain. I'm sure I will survive this - most people do survive being a parent. Yet right now, the negative feelings are still an arms length away. Too close for comfort.

NG is a smart, beautiful baby. She seems to have some deeply ingrained sensitivities to me already. She seems to know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling intuitively. I can't trick her into thinking everything is okay when I am feeling bad. I hope she doesn't resent me as she grows up. I hope she'll have compassion and still love me.

I hope I can really feel unconditional love for her, too.

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