babyfruit: the miscarriage blog and motherhood diaries

Off The Wagon

I must say that it is harder for me for baby to be off the bottle than on her, I'm sure.

But the other day, when she was sobbing relentlessly, I gave in and handed her the bottle after a week on the wagon. She immediately calmed down and sucked away. "Bock," she said with relief.

After the Baby Gym incident where she threw herself on the floor and cried and cried, I had to take her to the pediatrician. It just wasn't "normal" behavior for her.

Turns out she had a slight ear infection in one ear. Painful. A few days of antibiotic, and she was as good as new.

But she was back on the bottle.

Everyone has an opinion about the bottle. My friend's mom said "As long as it is just milk and just a few times a day, what harm does it do?"

My friend said that if my pediatrician was telling me that drinking milk from a bottle was "bathing NG's teeth with sugars from the milk," how can it be so different from when she drinks milk from a sippy cup? It isn't like she is taking her bottle to bed or lingering over it. She drinks from the bottle when she wakes in the morning, when she wakes from her nap or when we're in the car, and before bed.

With a bottle, she gets 18 ounces of milk daily which is around the recommended amount at her age. With a cup, she gets less than 8 ounces daily.

I don't know what to do, but we finally ran out of bottle disposable inserts so I can't give it to her unless I buy another box of 50. I'm resisting.

Today, she asked for what sounded like "Bock" but I think she was saying Milk. So I made a production of pouring her milk into her Sesame Street sippy cup and she didn't fuss at all. Yesterday, she was pissed when I didn't give her the bottle. But she survived.

I'm going to try to hold out, not buy the bottle liners, and make it fun to have milk in a cup. But if we go off the wagon again? I'll just remember my new mantra - "It is what it is." No guilt. No second guessing. For God's sake, it is just a BOTTLE.

What do you think? Am I nuts?

Baby's Shitty Day

I have to say NG has very few erratic highs and lows. Her down times are predictable - right around nap time or when she is really hungry. Her up times are pretty consistent. Her general disposition is happy.

But today, NG had a really bad day. I am not quite sure what it was. I ran through a litany of possibilities:

1. A new tooth coming in
2. Gas
3. Not enough sleep
4. Not enough to eat
5. The planets were not aligned right

Took her to Baby Gym which is one of the highlights of her week - especially now that her best friend GG is going, too - and she was inconsolable, clinging to me, crying and snotting all over the place. I finally decided to take her home. She sobbed in the car.

We stopped at the store first to get a few things, and I picked up some Baby Tylenol just in case it was a tooth. She calmed down long enough to take a dose, but even a brand new Elmo sippy cup did little to set her right.

Once home, I put her down for a nap. She cried and fussed in bed and dozed for a short time. The nap seemed to help lift her spirits for a only a little while once she awoke, but she soon went back to crying. So I did the only thing I could think of doing that would definitely help her feel better...The Bottle.

Yes, it helped for a while. Then she fussed again. A grilled cheese sandwich diverted her attentions. Then she was back to fussing. Finally put her down for a second nap and she went down immediately.

Now the house looks like a tornado hit and I'm exhausted.

Calgon, take us away...

Getting Rid of "Bock"

The time has come to phase out NG's "bock" or bottle of milk. Her pediatrician has been urging us to do so for months now, however, I've held out only because I didn't want to risk depriving her of her major comfort object right before she and I headed out on 2 airplane trips on our own. I did vow to stop giving her a bottle as soon as we returned from Florida.

We have returned from Florida. Day 1 Without Bock - We Survived.

But it wasn't easy to listen to her calling over and over and over again for "Bock! Bock! Bock? Bock..." Heartbreaking, really.

I tried to explain that we don't have "Bock" anymore and that she is a big girl now and can drink her milk out of a sippy cup. She is also learning to drink out of an open cup - just water right now - a skill that she has quickly acquired once I learned from her pediatrician that it was an 18 month old skill. Mommy Overachiever gave her an open cup that same day, & NG has been happily drenched with water ever since.

Should I have done some kind of "Farewell to Bock" ritual or ceremony to make it easier for her to understand? Should I have let her throw "Bock" into the "Gahbij" (garbage) on her own so she knew what was happening? Have I just added to her therapy bills by just yanking Bock from her life and letting her cry it out?

How did you transition away from bottle? We haven't decided to tackle the "fava" (pacifier) yet. At 20 months, I think it is still okay for her to be sucking on it, even in public. But at what age should I be tossing that comfort object? College?

Trippin' With Baby

Okay, where is my t-shirt that says "I survived 3 flights traveling solo across a continent with a 19 month old?"

I'm here to say it possible. I have survived.

Monday afternoon, NG and I boarded our first flight - from Alaska to Seattle - and embarked on our cross-continent trip to the East Coast. I am giving 5 presentations in 3 days at a conference and brought baby along to take full advantage of the paid flight to the Lower 48 and to hop down to Florida to visit the grandparents after the conference.

I also haven't figured out how businesswomen handle baby care when they go on business trips and their husbands work full-time and baby is not yet in day care. Hmmmm...who stays with the baby all day? Will have to explore that one although she will soon be in preschool so that may be part of the solution.

Anyway, the first trip was over 3 hours and went relatively smoothly. The key, I am learning, is to have many varied things on hand for a busy baby. I also eventually learned that 6 books are not enough for her busy mind. She needs at least a dozen to stave off boredom.

We spent a few hours in the Seattle airport including having dinner. Only one mishap. Note to self: Even though baby wants to sit in a grownup chair at a restaurant, insist on a high chair or her stroller. NG slipped on the chair and whacked her chin on the table resulting in a cut and bruise, but nothing earthshattering.

I also took care to stretch activities while at the airport. We browsed through stores and I pointed everything out to her. I let her select something from the bookstore. Okay, I selected it for her, but I let her think she selected it. We bought a little no-mess paintbook - just add a small amount of water to the brush and "paint" on the special pages that are reuseable.

The redeye from Seattle to the East Coast somehow worked out. By the time we boarded, baby was already tired so I just warned the passenger on our row that she would cry for a few minutes until she settled to sleep and sure enough, she did. Maybe 10 minutes of screaming hysteria that felt like 10 hours but I knew things weren't so bad when passengers passed us as they disembarked telling NG what a good girl she was during the flight. She basically slept in my arms most of the way. Miracle of miracles.

The last flight was a turbo-prop. I am terrified of turbo-props. But the medication I'm taking for PPD must also be helping reduce my phobias because I was pretty darn calm even though I was seated on the wing and had full view of the propeller (my biggest fear was always that it would stop spinning mid-air and I'd witness it and know we were going down).

We were stuck on the runway because of whether for about 2 hours so were 2 hours late getting to our destination. I had planned everything out: arrive at 9:35am, shower, eat, rest, prep my presentation, then present the same afternoon at 1:30pm. Damn those best laid plans.

We arrived at 11:30am and I basically showered, ate, fed baby, glanced at the skeleton of a presentation I had prepared earlier, called it good, then hurried downstairs to the conference. I was the 5th presenter which probably wasn't the best thing for a mommy who just flew from Alaska with a baby but somehow the adrenaline kicked in and I did it. Not sure how it went, I was relieved to be approached by a dozen folks later saying how much they enjoyed it. Whew!

The hardest part of the last 24 hours? Baby waking at 10:30pm then 12:30am because it was evening and dinnertime in Alaska. So I was up with her, had to read her all the books we had, fed her some yogurt, gave her a bottle, then was kept awake by her snoring and kicking because she wanted to sleep in bed with me.

The smartest thing I did during the trip? Accept all help that was offered. Normally, I respond to offers of help with "no, that's okay, I've got it."

This time, I said, "Yes, please" and had everyone from flight attendants to passengers carrying my bags, carrying my baby, doing the heavy lifting for me. Relief!

So we both survived. Baby is still sleeping. Room service just brought my breakfast. And we have a playdate set up for NG with a woman I met online and her baby boy who is a month younger than NG. Can't wait! Then it is another presentation this afternoon plus a book signing.

My new mantra?

"It is what it is."

I think that is what is getting me through all of this. Just accepting how things are going as the way they are going and go with them.

Now where is my tshirt?