The Truth Will Set You Free: A Story About Webgrrls

I don't know what got into me today that led me to tweet a snarky comment about @Webgrrls. Maybe it was the tweet by Webgrrls NYC chapter leader and Chief Technologist Nelly Yesupova mentioning the Webgrrls booth.

Or maybe it was 10 years of painful, ugly history that just weighed down on me, and I snapped. My apologies - it was probably inappropriate and wrong of me to do that. But now the cat is out of the bag, on Twitter at least, and only to those who were listening or following the @webgrrls handle. I could let it settle down and disappear under the carpet with all the dust bunnies because that is what some people do when they feel defeated by a terrible situation larger than themselves that is beyond their control. Wimper, whisper, disappear. That makes everyone much more comfortable, in fact.

I'm tired of disappearing and of accepting rewritten history as fact, especially my history. Below, I've pasted the history from the Webgrrls.com site with just a few details rewritten in yellow highlight. This is only the beginning of me taking back my history and regaining my self-esteem. I hold no anger or bitterness here, just intense sadness and pain. What is done is done. What is done cannot be undone.

But I truly believe that if I speak up, other women who have been in similar situations - and there are far too many - will have the courage to speak out without the fear of being blacklisted because we told the truth instead of accepted lies.

Thank you for listening - or not. Thank you for accepting my attempt at setting a record straight - or not. If this angers you, it should. If this makes you angry at me, I hope you will never have to face what I have, and I wish you well.

History of Webgrrls International - Dispelling the Myths

In January 1995, upon realizing the potential of the World Wide Web, Aliza Sherman and Kevin Kennedy launched Cybergrrl, Inc., focusing on building websites and online resources for women to help them propel their personal and professional lives forward. Aliza also offered consulting services to corporations focused on the women's market. Her background was varied - from promotion of heavy metal rock bands like Metallica to executive director of a nonprofit group creating awareness of domestic violence. Her lifelong dream, however, was to be a writer. Kevin Kennedy was Aliza's boyfriend at the time and occasional personal trainer. He would sometimes carry Aliza's computer equipment on sales calls. She would proceed to set up the computer, make the presentations, and then often the potential client would turn to Kevin and ask him all the technical questions. Being a personal trainer, he didn't have any technical background so would defer questions to Aliza by saying "I'll let Aliza field that one." People were left with the impression that Aliza was his assistant. His background was equally as varied - from athlete to entrepreneur, competing for the United States Track Team in Taiwan and playing professional tennis to building a graphic design company and a software training company.

As Cybergrrl.com continued to grow, people read the content and started responding through email. Aliza started linking other women's websites and because she had called herself Cybergrrl ("cyber" from one of her favorite books "Neuromancer" and "grrl" for "girl with attitude" and a hint of "Riotgrrrls" and drawing a cartoon of herself with a hot pink cape), she called women with web sites we called those women "Webgrrls," drawing a cartoon character to represent them that was modeled after her sister Leah Sherman. One day, It was decided that the "women of the web" should Aliza searched for and found several women with web sites who were based in NYC and invited them to meet.

A meeting was arranged at a New York City cyber cafe on April 29, 1995. Six women showed up. While their jobs were different -- from a writer to a Unix programmer to a performance artist to an editor at a publishing house -- they shared a passion for the Web and technology that bridged their differences and united them as women trying to succeed in a brand new, yet already male-dominated, industry. 

They had a great time at the first gathering and decided to meet again. This time twelve women showed up. Fast forward to July 1995 -- fifty women got together to listen to an accountant and a lawyer answer their business questions. Aliza had been chronicling this saga on the website, which attracted more women. By November 1995, 200 women attended the Webgrrls meeting (in iVillage's original offices), and they knew they had to get organized!

Partway through the same year, Kevin and Aliza sat in John's Pizzaria on the Upper West Side having dinner out as they usually did. Aliza, naive to the ways of business, did know that her boyfriend had been really supportive of her efforts to start her own company (after the two were held up at gunpoint, and Aliza quit her job running a nonprofit). He had paid for her meals, made sure she had cash in her pocket, even paid some of her bills.

Aliza was now in a position to purchase some used computer and office equipment from another Internet company that was going out of business. Kevin offered to put everything on his credit card. In exchange for 50% of the company.

Aliza protested because even though she didn't know a lot about business yet, it didn't seem right that anyone - much less her own boyfriend - get such a huge part of a company that she ran entirely on her own. But he persisted, suggesting that if she didn't capitulate, he didn't see any reason for them to be together any more.

Realizing that her relationship was in jeopardy, she began to sob in the restaurant.

"Okay, we can split the company 49/51 , and you can have 51% so it can be a woman-owned business," said Kevin.

Fearing losing her boyfriend of nearly 3 years over a company, Aliza relented. Kevin had friends of his who were lawyers draw up the papers and late one night in the offices of a Manhattan law firm, Aliza signed the papers turning over a major portion of her company to a boyfriend who said it was for the best. Aliza sobbed again and her hands shook as she tried to sign the pages. She couldn't read any of the paperwork because of the tears.

"This is all for the best," she tried to convince herself. Kevin had already convinced her to keep their personal relationship a secret, and he had controlled who she spoke with and who she was friends with, so she was isolated and didn't know where to turn.

Meanwhile, other women on the web were discovering the websites and decided that Webgrrls sounded like a great thing to get involved in. A woman in Seattle - Betsy Aoki - called emailed Aliza and wanted to know how she could get involved - and the second chapter of Webgrrls International was born. Other chapters followed, as women emailed and said, "Hey, this sounds like a great idea. Can I do it, too?"

Aliza and her staff at the time developed the Webgrrls mission statement was developed to clarify their aim, which was at its heart to empower women through technology and to give women a local forum, with a national and international reach, to meet with, support and encourage one another, share job leads and find strategic alliances and explore business opportunities.

While Chapter Leaders shared their ideas and experiences with one another, they each created a Webgrrls chapter based upon the needs of their communities, and the organization grew exponentially. In NYC, Webgrrls International created the Team Webgrrls outreach program to encourage young girls to use the Internet and also began offering HTML and Photoshop classes, organized speaking events and presentations for members, and fielded calls from the media who were fascinated by this incredible grassroots organization for women in the exciting new media industry.

In October of 1996, the NYC chapter organized a technology expo that highlighted the achievements of women in new media, and Mayor Rudolph Guiliani made a surprise appearance, proclaiming10/22/96 as "Webgrrls Day" in New York City.

By October 22, 1997, there were over 100 Webgrrls chapters around the world who together celebrated the first International Webgrrls Day to acknowledge the accomplishments of women in new media worldwide. They joined voices using Internet Relay Chat, CUSeeMe and Wordcasting technology to connect with one another online and featured special guests, chapter launches and website debuts from the real-world chapter celebrations, offices and homes of Webgrrls around the world.

By October 1999, after intense and painful power struggles with her business partner and boyfriend over control and direction of the company, Aliza finally weighed what she wanted in life. Kevin had promised that they would start a family, and now in her 30s, Aliza wanted that more than anything else - a good relationship with a life partner and a family. So unable to take the ugliness of the business - which hurt so many other people in its wake while simultaneously helping so many - she decided to walk away from the business she worked so hard to build.

She wrote a letter of resignation, giving all of her shares back to the corporation. No money exchanged hands, and Aliza walked away broke and broken. She soon realized that Kevin didn't really want to continue a relationship with her. Maybe she should have realized that years before as he compulsively slept with countless other women, some of whom confronted her as if SHE were the "other woman." She knew at this point, however, that he had moved on to his next conquest.*

We, as Webgrrls, are growing an incredible organization for women around the world who want to be empowered, want to help one another succeed, and are taking charge of technology for their personal and professional gain. This part is so true - but the saddest part of this story is that this wonderful group was built on top of the efforts of women who were not properly compensated and a founder who was stripped of all of her rights to anything she created. This story is not atypical. I hope other women who have been there will speak up, too.

I apologize with all my heart to the women who I hurt along the way. No matter how many 1000s of women I may have inspired, it's the ones who were crushed under the weight of the power struggles and emotional stress who I think about.

I know Webgrrls is an amazing resource and hope it will continue to be that to women worldwide. But please take a close look at what is behind everything, ask smart questions, and do not be intimidated.

*edited at the request of party involved.

Comments

[Kay]

I remember the original Cybergrrl and Webgrrls--how they inspired us in Japan! Thank you for telling the true story and may you, Founder, take/be credited with your rightful place among Webgrrls!

[Dayle]

I remember it all from way back in the day, Aliza, and how being a part of that early, early group changed my life. It was fun, empowering and educational, volunteering in the office and networking like crazy with you and others - knowing we were in at the beginning of a sea change that was changing the world. I was surprised and disappointed when you gave it all up. I knew that "history" on the Webgrrls current site was off, since I remembered many things quite differently than they described. I'm glad you set the record straight.

[dr. sherman]

I thought you were nuts when you came to live with me in Santa Fe and started taking some class in something called "HTML." Will never last, I said. Internet sminternet.

I'm proud of you, big sister. You done good, real good.

[Cindy C.]

That first meeting of Webgrrls was held at @Cafe on St. Mark's Place... I know because I was there; then I attended another Webgrrls meeting that was held someplace else... and you interviewed me about my Web site for your radio show.

How sad it is that others feel it's perfectly okay to rewrite _your_ history and present it as factual and truthful.

[Robin]

Wow! I remember being at ground zero of the Internet boom and representing the NY Information Technology Center where numerous networking events were held. I conceived and executive the first online bill signing of legislation thus setting legal precedence. I remember reaching our to Aliza during those first few years of cybermania. I have had my own history rewritten (poorly and without attribution) so I applaud Aliza setting the record straight!