aliza sherman rants and raves

Finding Dead Friends Online

I've been working on a personal history project, and while searching for some people from my past, I put in the name of a woman I knew back in the early days of the Web who I know passed away a few years back...just to see what I'd find.

My search easily yielded three mentions of Eva Shaderowfsky:

her personal web site

her page on the Women's Web Consortium Company (WWCoCo)

and

some of her photograms on a web site from 2002 called SherryArt (by artist Sherry Miller)

From her bio:

On America Online, my screen name is EvaS. I'm the moderator for "Evenings with Eva," a women's issues conference series currently held in women2women.

I first met Eva on America Online in 1992. I had recently logged in for the first time, picking the name "NYCwriter" because it was gender neutral and the early 90s was a time when women made up less than 10% of the online population so using your real name or one that revealed you were female was risky.

Looking for other women to speak with about the Internet and women's issues, I was directed by several people in random chat rooms to contact EvaS. I did, and she was immediately welcoming to me, a total stranger. I wasn't yet used to the idea of making contacts, much less friends, on a service like America Online.

I began attending "Evenings with Eva," live moderated chat sessions held in AOL and led by Eva. I started calling her "The Oprah of the Internet" for her easy way with conversation, moderating and with interviewing guests. At one point, she had me on her "show" as a guest to talk about my work to promote women's issues online and support women on the Internet.

In those early days - the "Enlightenment Era" of the Internet, I was doing several things to turn my Internet hobby into something more:

1. The Women's List - I started an email list (using America Online email, mind you, not a listserv-type software) called The Women's List. I emailed all the women I knew online and asked them to provide me with a description of who they were, what they did, and what they needed. Then I compiled this list into a very long email in the form of a directory of sorts and then emailed it out to all the women participating so they could meet one another and network. Remember, this was pre-Web so I couldn't build a web site to post this information for easy access.

2. The Women's Pharmacy - I was working with a girlfriend of mine - someone who I had also met online on a national BBS called Women's Wire - to do some market research on her new business idea called The Women's Pharmacy. She wanted to bring women's health information and women's health and beauty products together in a package and was hoping to get feedback on a "Starter Kit" she was developing for pre-teen girls full of information about getting your period along with some sample products including tampons. I helped her organize email and group discussions online with women not only to discuss her business ideas but to have open discussions about menstruation and memories of our first periods. It was a very safe space where women felt they could be incredibly candid which was surprising because of the rampant sexual harrassment that was going on in most online spaces.

I met Eva several times in person, first in a small cyber cafe in the East Village where the first Webgrrls met face to face. Later, she invited me to her home in Upstate New York. I learned over time what it meant to have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and how it kept her often confined to her home and was interfering with her creativity. For Eva, the Internet was a salvation, her connection to the world, a place where she could still be active - if only in mind and spirit - while she was bedridden.

EvaS was my inspiration. She was my mentor. She taught me the art of online chat for more than just socializing but to be harnessed as a powerful communications tool to bring people together for valuable conversations. She taught me that the Internet was not only a place to showcase your creativity but a place to be creative.

And she taught me that true friendships can be formed online.

Over time, the Internet became my own lifeline on many occasions. But I never would have trusted its power to connect if I hadn't first connected with EvaS.

Who do you know who has passed away but who still has a presence online? Stories welcome.

Cybergrrl's Writing: Girl Geeks

Cybergrrl's Writing: Girl Geeks.

@Pistachio on Twitter brought this 90s nugget to my attention. I wrote a regular online column as Cybergrrl for Lycos back in the day when they were toying with being a content and community site.

This was also back in the day when we all linked to any web site we could link to within our text, not for improved Google ratings (Google did not exist back then), but because we were so damned excited to find a web site on a relevant topic. Plus the spirit of the Internet back then was all about linking, not for profit, but to truly share traffic and be linked to one another.

Remember those days?

If you have an old essay, article or column from the early to mid-1990s about the Internet or Web, please link to it here. I can't wait to read it!

High School Survey

As usual, stealing things off my sister's blog. But these are my answers, of course.

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be...so they say.

1. Who was your best friend?
Betsy

2.What sports did u play?
Drama

3. What kind of car did you drive?
1970s Fiat

4. It's Friday night, where were you?
Home reading a book - heck, I don't remember...

5. Were you a party animal?
Pretty tame stuff - mostly a goodie two shoes

6. Were you considered a flirt/player?
Well, I supposedly had a reputation as such, most likely made up out of jealousy, but I was sweet 16 and never been kissed. Then I had a very serious, steady boyfriend my senior year who went to another school.

7. Ever skip school?
I can't remember...I don't think so.

8. Were you a nerd?
I thought I was a nerd and thought none of the cute guys liked me but at my 20th year high school reunion, every one of them professed to have had a crush on me in high school but were too intimidated by me to ask me out. Gee, all that misery and loneliness in high school for nothing!

10. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Never. Goodie two shoes, remember?

11. Can you sing the fight song?
No clue

12. Who was your favorite teacher?
Can't remember any of them. Maybe I was taking drugs then and can't remember because I can't seem to remember the details.

13. Favorite class?
Can't remember - maybe English.

14. Your schools full name?
W.T. Woodson High School

15. School mascot?
Cavaliers.

16. Did you go to Prom?
Yes, with a basketball player who followed me into the girls bathroom to ask me out. I was eating my lunch in the girls bathroom to dodge him because I was hoping another guy would ask me out. But that guy asked some popular blonde and I went with the basketball player. I was pretty pathetic about it, crying at the prom until other girls had their dates dance with me so I had some fun. The basketball player later gave me two second row center seats to the Rick Springfield concert to make up for the bad time I had. It wasn't his fault - I was just hoping this other guy would ask me. (Not my steady boyfriend who lived in another state).

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
Never. Ever.

18. What do you remember most about graduation?
Standing in the hallway before stepping outside for the ceremony and watching the sunlight streaming through the doors thinking "I have to remember this moment forever. This is important."

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
Starring in "Cabaret" as Sally Bowles. That was also my least favorite memory. Too much backstabbing and catfights in drama.

20. Where were you on senior skip day?
Did we even have one of those?

21. Did you have a job your senior year?
I think I was working at a clothing store.

22. Where did you go most often for lunch?
The girls bathroom or the hall by lockers - not the cafeteria. Too freaked out by everyone. Too shy.

23. Have you gained weight since then?
Yes. Had a baby. What do you expect?

24. What did you do after graduation?
Like right after? I think I went to some parties. If I say I can't remember, I'll sound totally lame, so I won't say it.

25. When did you graduate?
1982

26. Who was your Senior prom date?
The basketball player

27. Are you going to your ten year reunion?
Hello! I went to my 20 and plan to go to my 25th, this time, with my gorgeous husband and beautiful baby girl.

28. Who was your homeroom teacher?
What?

29. Who will repost this after you?
Don't know

30. Who was President of your class?
Tom Karl? I think so...

Harvey Murders in Richmond, VA

I just found out that someone I knew from Virginia was brutally murdered on New Year's Eve. The whole story is completely shocking. Links to the news stories about the murder of Bryan Harvey (formerly of the band "House of Freaks") are here: Richmond Times-Dispatch: Harvey family slayings.

I met Bryan and his co-band member Johnny Hott of House of Freaks on several occasions while I was living in Richmond, Virgina, going to school at VCU and waitressing at the Village Cafe downtown.

When I got a job in the music business in 1987 at East Coast Entertainment in Charlotte, NC, I helped my boss book bands at fraternity parties and remembered House of Freaks as a unique, 2-man music experience. I thought they'd be perfect for frat parties so tracked down Bryan to book the band. I also helped book them into a local alternative music club and remember hanging out with Bryan outside the club on a beautiful, clear night, just talking.

Later, after I moved to NYC, we were still in touch and when House of Freaks came up for some gigs, Bryan stayed at my place. I vividly remember running through a rainy Manhattan street at night after an evening out and then he kissed me impulsively.

We considered pursuing a more romantic involvement but finally agreed that we were better as friends. We eventually lost touch, although I did look him up when passing through Richmond in 2001 after September 11th. I even stopped by House of Mirth, his wife's store in Carytown. He was happy, settled, a family man. I was still the restless wanderer, trying to find my place, trying to find my home.

My sister called and left a message for me tonight, stumbling over the words to tell me what happened, thinking that maybe she shouldn't. Then she vaguely said that he was killed. I had no idea that he was brutally murdered along with his family. I'm still in shock.

And are there coincidences or not, I wonder? During the day on New Year's, I thought I wanted to listen to some Beatles music and pulled out an old box of cassette taped then decided to go through them to organize them. In that box were two cassettes of House of Freaks - "Tantilla" and an old demo that Bryan had given me. I remember thinking "I wonder how Bryan is doing?" but didn't think much more about it as I carefully placed the cassettes back in the box and closed it.

Other news coverage:
MSNBC: House of Freaks singer and family slain

Family found slain in burning house

Virginia Family Reportedly Found in Burning Home

Court TV: Musician, Wife & Children Slain in Home

NY Daily News: New Year's massacre

Daily Press: Musician and his family found slain in Virginia home

Crime Library: Harvey Family Murders Hit the Blogosphere

Richmond.com: In Remembrance

TimesDispatch.com: Remembering the Harveys

World of Mirth, indeed...

NBC 12: Police continue investigating family murder; vigil held (includes news video)

The Velvet Rope: RIP Bryan Harvey

BLOG LINKS

SLANTblog: Family Found Murdered

Harvey Ceremony

Buttermilk & Molasses: Thoughts, One Day In

Richmond Democrat - Richmond Mourns

Save Richmond: Remember Them Well

The Dark Side: The Burning of a House in Richmond (The Harvey Family Murders)

bluemerle: Harvey Murders - Local Updates

MISC

World of Mirth

In Memory of Bryan and Kathryn Harvey

Ask Bryan archives

Publicity photos of House of Freaks

September 11 - New York City

I posted some photographs from New York City on Travelgirl.com that I took a month after September 11th, 2001 and then a year later.

Check them out...

Where were you on September 11?

Well, at least I have a calendar up here and can see that tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of 9/11.

On September 11th, I was waking up early in my RV, parked at a KOA campground in the middle of Nebraska. I was watching the Today Show, making hard boiled eggs and tea.

While on the road on September 11th, trying to figure out where I was going, I stopped into gas stations along the way to watch events unfold on the television, to ask people what they had heard, to figure out if I was heading toward safety or danger.

I was initially on my way to Manhattan to start a book tour but opted for a detour away from the East Coast, ending up at the home of a friend's mother in Salina, Kansas for a few days. Then I headed to Richmond, Virginia to stay with my sister for a month.

When I returned to Manhattan, dark jets flew low overhead and on the day I arrived and switched on the television in my tiny studio apartment on the Upper West Side, the regular program was interrupted by news of anthrax discovered at the NBC studios.

That's when I knew I'd be moving out of the city permanently. That's when I decided Wyoming was a much safer place.

Cybergrrl: A Woman's Guide...

I'm adding a new category called "Blasts from the Past" for odds, ends and ephemera from my cyber-days.

Here's a site I found that is still up about my 1st Internet book, Cybergrrl: A Woman's Guide to the World Wide Web.

My favorite part of this site was the Voices section where women talked about the Internet or actually talked about their fears, interests and ideas about the Internet. This was in 1998!

My booktour diary wasn't very detailed but the fun part is seeing how I used to use links in text back then. If I mentioned the weather, I linked to Weather.com, for example. Ah, the innocence of the early Web.

I met so many fantastic women back in the cyber day. Sometimes, our paths cross and I get an email out of the blue from one of them. I love those opportunities to reminisce. Maybe with age comes more feelings of nostalgia...