Went to the doctor Monday, got checked out for
this pain in my uterus. Below is an excerpt
from an essay I wrote today for an essay
contest with a deadline of today. I sent it in!
Doctor says that I probably have an infection.
Won't have test results until tomorrow but
am taking my medicine - doxycycline - and it
is making me very sick. Luckily, it only lasts
for an hour or so and then goes away once
I eat. Instructions say I cannot take it with
food or dairy but once I eat, I feel so much
better. Before I can eat, I feel horrible:
1. my limbs get weak with pain shooting through them,
hard to hold to things
2. I feel intense nausea but do not vomit
3. I feel an overwhelming sense of panic, like
an anxiety attack of some kind
It happened at first yesterday afternoon
while I was working on the computer - sudden,
intense, overwhelming. I went to lie down
and ate a banana. I was worried I was going
to pass out and not be able to yell to G.
for help. Finally it subsided.
I had taken it Monday afternoon but didn't
feel anything too weird. But had wild freaky
dreams Monday night. Can't remember them
but they were bizarre.
Got sick from the medicine yesterday afternoon
but still took my next dose at night. Freaky
dreams again - the only one I can remember
is someone having a container of coffee, opening
it, and hundreds of moths poured out. What??
Waited until mid morning to take another.
Got horribly sick again - not vomiting but feeling
so bad, laying on the floor, worried I'm dying
or something like it.
I called the doctor's office. They said that yes,
those symptoms are NORMAL??!! and that it
is up to me if I want to continue taking them.
The doctor feels I must take them, but I can
opt not to. There is nothing else they can
put me on, they say.
G. wants me to keep taking them but he isn't
the one having physical freak outs.
Since the results of my culture won't be in
until tomorrow, there is nothing else to report.
I will take the medicine again tonight, and
I'll try to remember tonight's dreams.
here is part of my essay:
Whatever the reason for my slow recovery, I return to my doctor once again, explaining the pain I'm feeling, watching for his previous expression of skepticism. Why didn't he believe me before?
When a doctor doubts you, you begin to wonder if the ghost pains are only physical manifestations of the ripping of your soul. I am stunned at how many times my medical practitioners ignore, negate or minimize my fears and concerns.
As I try to sort through options in my primal quest for pregnancy and child, I need answers. Did my abnormal pap smear affect my pregnancies? Was my progesterone level too low? I've heard that some women's bodies create antibodies that attack the fetus – did mine?
The answer to each of my questions has been "You are looking for answers where there are none." Even when I ask if there is a local support group for women who have miscarried, the response is that I should be careful where I go for support. No referral.
The lingering pain I'm feeling turns out to be an infection that caused inflammation of my uterus.
"Let's put you on antibiotics," he says, and the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
"What kind of infection is it?" I ask, a defiant patient, a woman taking control of her health.
"I don't know. I'd have to take another culture to find out, and that would be an expense. I'll give you an antibiotic that will cover a wide range of infections."
Pause. My inner acquiescent patient tries to silence me.
"An expense to whom? I have insurance right now. Shouldn't we see what type of infection it is?"
"Your insurance will cover it. But I'd have to take another culture."
Cut to woman, naked from the waist down, feet in stirrups, knees angled outward and a doctor approaching with a large Q-Tip. He disappears behind the sheet tent then reappears with a specimen. What is happening down there?
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