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Babyfruit Poems


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« buying the books | Main | the main issues of miscarriage »



I found your blog through Julie's list. I'm not TTC myself yet, but I'm really interested in everyone's story because you gals are really inspiring. And I really like your blog. I wish you the best of luck!

aliza (babyfruit)

Yay! Thanks for posting Irina.

It is interesting to know my blog is read by women who aren't TTC - I've been trying to figure out who's reading this and am convinced that over 1000 people a week are not all women who have miscarried.


Hi Aliza,

I first emailed you some months ago when I suffered my second pregnancy loss. After surfing the internet for information, I landed on your sight and was so relieved to learn that someone had a blog about miscarriage!

Since discovering your site, I have discovered that are many other fertile and infertile blogs and they do receive many comments, so I don't think that the issue is the fact that this is your personal blog. To be quite honest with you, I think the reason why you don't get many posts is because I think your style of writing often lacks emotional content and is a little too concerned with self promotion ("sign my petition!", "buy my poetry book!" " I'm writing a book!"....) I find it difficult to relate to your presentation. But sometimes when I do check out your blog, I find myself wondering if you have trouble with writing about the personal toll of multiple miscarriages or if you are saving the good stuff for your poetry book, your miscarriage book, or your documentary. I also find myself wondering what emotional benefit do you derive from having this blog?

When I read other blogs, what often comes through to me is their emotional pain; the toll that the trying-to-conceive process takes on their lives, specifically their relationships with their spouses, families and friends. I can absolutely relate to those bloggers who write about how difficult it is to be around those friends and sisters who have recently become pregnant or have had children. Or that trying to conceive permeates every aspect of their lives. Perhaps people are looking for that level of intimacy and are not finding it on your blog.

Finding your site was a real help to me and introduced me to the world of fertility/infertility blogs, and I thank you for that. I hope you will take my comments as constructive - that is what I intend.

I wish the best luck on your quest. My thoughts are with you for success in your next pregnancy!



Point well taken. I think if you read my earlier posts and all the posts directly surrounding each of my miscarriages, you'll find the emotional posts you describe - full of pain, fear, anger, guilt, frustration...believe me, I've been there!

But you'll also see in the sections in between - where I'm not yet trying again and getting further and further away from the trauma of each experience - I look for productive ways to use this blog to share additional information and opportunities for other women.

I'm almost 4 months past my 3rd miscarriage and 2 months before trying again so I am not in any intense emotional state right now (although I have my moments).

I do admit that I vascillate between posting about new magazines and books that can hopefully help other women, promoting some of my own projects that will feature other women and venting about the crazy treatments I've been undergoing so other women know what is out there (acupuncture, eating an abundance of meat, etc.).

Not a lot of emotional insight at the moment because, well, I'm not feeling so emotional but instead am feeling compulsive about creating good things out of pain.

We can't be in emotional pain at all times. I like to take my pain and produce useful things (books, a film, this blog) to help others. I guess I shouldn't be looking at Babyfruit as a place for dialogue but as a resource. As the traffic numbers continue to rise, I guess people are finding what they need and then moving on to places more conducive for a pain-fest.


Hi, Aliza. I have a uterine anomoly (bicornuate) that prevents me from chancing another pregnancy. I am very fortunate to have a healthy daughter, born early after pre-term labor, 11 weeks bedrest, and diagnosis of IUGR. I had difficulty getting pregnant but did after 2 years of trying naturally. At 12 weeks, I went for an u/s and we discovered my anomoly. At the time I was told 40% miscarriage/stillbirth risk that would not diminish over time (= no post-first trimester safety zone) so I lived my pregnancy terrorized. I still (2.5 yrs later) have unresolved feelings of the horror and fear I carried.

I disagree with the previous poster that you are not articulate about the emotional aspects of your miscarriages. I felt your pain. It was very palpable in your writing.

One thing I have noted is that you have a very natural and holistic approach to pregnancy. I think it can be very healthy but sometimes when you are lashing at yourself about a particularly bad diet regiment (according to advice you are receiving) you've been following lately, I want to scream IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! I know you know this of course, but sometimes it does seem that there is an element of self-blame, hence the self-control.

I champion your cause for more miscarriage information in popular culture. It is so taboo; in fact I hid my pregnancy from all friends and relatives (my own MOTHER!) until I was showing at about 19 wks. I just couldnt fathom putting myself out there as a pregnant woman in the event that something bad might happen. I feared the pity, the sorrow, the insensitive comments. I think if it was a more mainstream topic, perhaps my fears would not have been so isolating for me. I wish you much luck, and I will be following your story.




Thank you for your input. I'm always curious to see what others think. I seem to be a magnet for controversy and criticism and while I've learned to live with it, I'm still always take aback at first. But everyone - and I mean everyone - is entitled to their opinion.

I agree that I tend to blame myself throughout the treatments - I think that is my little guilt portion of this experience. I've been through anger, frustration, helplessness, guilt...actually they seem to cycle like my period.

Ultimately, this blog is my way of coping and if it helps other women, then I am eternally grateful because it really does help me - even when I'm not posting dramatic emotional rants!



I'm the poster that Steph disagreed with earlier. I guess the thing about whether or not there's enough emotional content in your blog is probably subjective, but that was just my overall impression, and I have read your entire blog, including when you posted on Blogspot. But like you said in an email to me back in November, you are a "methodical, logical thinker", which is great and that really comes through. The main thing is that I like your blog, and it is resourceful. But over time, I too have wondered the very same thing you have, which is why do you receive such few comments.

You should know that I commend your efforts in making miscarriage a less taboo topic as well. I almost feel like the topic of Assisted Reproductive Technology is much more discussed than women who can get pregnant but have miscarriages, which still leaves those who suffer miscarriages with not very much information. I was in a bookstore the other day and happened to be in the Women's Health section and I saw several books on IVF and actually NONE on the topic of miscarriage. It was very disappointing. I actually have one of the books you recommend (Miscarriage: A Woman Doctor's Guide), but I feel like I was lucky to get it because I never saw this book or any other miscarriage book (in person) anywhere ever again.

I can also relate to Steph regarding hiding one's pregnancy for as long as possible. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and I'm wondering when the hell I'm going to start telling people about it. My pregnancy losses last year have such stigma attached to them because of negative reactions and insensitive comments that I'm sort of terrified. I've told a couple of friends recently and when I did, instantly felt vulnerable. And it's true, if the topic of miscarriage were more mainstream, then women who have suffered losses wouldn't have to hide their pregnancies. There's enough pressure and fear and anxiety in hoping that we can just hold on to these pregnancies and go on to have healthy babies.

Anyway, I will continue to come to Babyfruit to see how you're doing and for info. Here's hoping that you get more comments!

Good Luck with everything,




Thanks for posting again in reply. I like having this kind of dialogue (and no, I'm not posting a response just to pad my comments - haha)

I think everyone has different needs at different times when it comes to this miscarriage experience. I'm hoping to tap into some universal themes as I do my research.

I'm finding lots of women who own up to belly envy and who had hellish experiences with traditional doctors, backlash from "friends" and acquaintances - lots of interesting themes here that need to be discussed and explored so we don't think we are crazy or alone.

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