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« why wait? | Main | rollercoaster up... »



The uncertainty, the waiting, it all sucks. I hope that one way or another you get a clear cut answer.

Craniosacral Therapy is very useful and healing. I first learned about it in 1995 when being treated for TMJ, migraines, and hernated discs following a car accident. Still to this day, I use a couple of the techniques, I can do myself, to help with my migraines in the hopes of avoiding my cache of medication. You will definitely find it fascinating!

As for what you saw, or didn't see yesterday. Sonagrams are done at six weeks because of the gestasional development. God's timing - not ours. I know that you have heard from many people, and been told numerous things to do and not to do. Ultimately the choice is yours. Being the strong woman that you are, you will do what you want and be responsible for those decisions. Your no-nonsense, pragmatic intelligence are some of your finest qualities. But in this journey they could prove to be some of your strongest foes.

When I had my first sonagram at six weeks and was told that the placenta was not forming completely, I wanted exact reasons why it wasn't and could not be told. But the bottom line was if it didn't I would miscarry. My doctor's orders were to stop stressing, to rest, keep my blood pressure down, cut down my work schedule and the rest would take care of itself. That sounded like bs to me. What is this the rest would take care of itself. How? Well, I didn't heed his advice and although I trusted him - I didn't listen. I lost one of my children and the remainder of my pregnancy was touch and go. I later learned that the uterus is very sensitive to blood pressure and the more I stressed, the more pressure I put on things down there and the more contracting was going on.

Aliza, I and the other people, that have conveyed to you their wishes for you to redirect your mind from analytical/business pursuits to Aliza's pursuits are not "blowing smoke up your geister" nor operating from another level. Most if not all of us, lead a productive life as you do. We are only trying to share from our experiences, perhaps mistakes - to open your mind to the journey ahead of you. Your project will always be there. But if you truly in your heart of hearts want to have a child, you need to be selfish and not worry about documenting it for some movie.

I haven't done a good time of living in the moment. I don't remember my pregnancy. I was too busy trying to please everyone around me, get the facts, do the right things for everyone else. I missed out on one of the most special times in my life. Now as I face ovarian cancer and my hystorectomy in May, I live in the moment. Although there are far too few of them. Since I already pissed off my doctors at the University of Virginia last year after refusing to take traditional chemotherapy for stomach cancer, having chosen a more holistic/controversial approach - I live in the moment. (I didn't want my young daughter to see her mommy so desperately sick and not able to teach and play with her.) Don't get me wrong - I am still a control freak, a neat freak, a time management freak. But I am more of a caring freak, a loving freak, a nurturing freak, a take time for me freak.

Love yourself Aliza. As the technician said yesterday, maybe now is not a good time for the documentary. You are not failing by delaying it. You are not letting anyone down or not meeting a goal. There are no rewards for martyrs. (At least they haven't sent me mine yet!). Instead of visualizing numbers and failures, give it a shot and visualize personal plans for the next 12 months. If it doesn't work out, will you be any less disappointed? Probably not, and think about all that positive energy you will have corsed through your being in the meantime! If you don't think your doctor is being straight with you, maybe it's the doctor's personal style. So find one that you mesh with. Having a doctor that has similar communication style as your own is very important! Be well my friend.


Thinking of you, and hoping that, this time, you're wrong.

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