Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month SUCKS

According to the Share national site:

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed a resolution declaring October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, in order to increase understanding and awareness of the over 1 million deaths each year of babies in pregnancy or in the first few months of life.  The Awareness Month, meant to bring to light the devastating losses suffered by so many each year, is marked by different ceremonies and services in different communities , including the many Walks to Remember held around the country.  For more information about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and events marking the month, go to www.october15th.com.

I don't know what pisses me off more - that all that ails women seems to be relegated to the month of October (domestic violence, breast cancer...) so that there is a glut of attention by the media on everything BUT pregnancy loss this month or that the website for the pregnancy loss cause (www.october15th.com) SUCKS.

The reason why pregnancy loss takes a back burner? Lack of funding. Breast cancer and domestic violence have organized coalitions, funders, foundations, etc. And what do we have? Well, if you have had an early miscarriage, you have organizations and groups that support late pregnancy and infant loss.

I remember when I had my first miscarriage, I asked my doctor if there were support groups in the area for women who have miscarried. There weren't.

He did hook me up with a woman who led a support group for stillborn and infant loss but while she tried to be kind, she didn't really have a lot to help a woman who lost a baby she couldn't actually see and hold. So my loss was nothing but a blob in the toilet. Not real enough for you?!?

At least they have rubber bracelets. Can't have a cause without a rubber bracelet. But damn, they are out of stock!

Hmmm...do we sense a little anger here? I can't be PMSing. That's not until NEXT week.

Comments

[Jenn]

That website does suck. Did these women just decide that October 15th was the day, or is there something more organized?

[Bec]

I completely understand what you're saying. It's the same thing for IF, there's not something solid that we can point to and say we've lost so a lot of people just don't get it.

[Lynn]

Wait a second here. Shouldn't we all be in this together? We all have the commonality of infertility and loss, we should be a little more compassionate to each other instead of beating each other up.

Since October was already designated Pregnancy and Infant Loss, Robyn Bear went one step further and started a campaign to have a particular day set aside for PAIL remembrance. October 15th is right in the middle of the month, so that makes sense.

Robyn is not a late-term sufferer...her 6 babies died early on in utero. For the past 7 years she has worked extremely hard to try to get this country to recognize the pain of miscarriage. It is through her efforts that she was able to get all 50 states to have a proclamation regarding PAIL. She is out there bringing the issue of pregnancy loss to the public so that maybe SOMEDAY people will be more sensitive, more funding will go to infertility and miscarriage research. Currently, she has several Congressmen who are co-sponsoring a bill to get Oct 15th designated as a national day of remembrance. Every day, she makes phone calls, writes letters, directs support groups, and organizes events to try to further the cause of pregnancy and infant loss awareness and remembrance. What did the rest of you do today to bring more awareness to the subject, try to bring some more sensitivity and understanding to the world? Aside from slamming a woman who has a shared experience with you and is ultimately trying to do something for all of us? She is one woman with some friends. She is not a non-profit organization or a charity or a big corporation. She funds her site and her work HERSELF. What little profit she gets from the sale of remembrance items goes right back into the site to keep it running.

And it is not a small thing to have something out there for those of us who have gone through this pain to help us remember our babies. When I was in the midst of my recurrent miscarriage roller coaster, one of the things that hurt the most was the it seemed like I was the only one who cared, who actually mourned for these children. At least having October 15th as a day set aside for national remembrance offers a bit of comfort and help you to not feel so damn alone in this.

As for the offerings in her memorial store, pretty great how you single out the rubber band. Did you see the really nice remembrance items she offers? She even had commissioned special remembrance jewelery, embroidered blankets, etc. All beautiful, tangible objects that are meant to remember a person that was beautiful and loved, but whom no one was able to meet.

No, maybe the site isn't as pretty as some other ones, but there is alot of heart behind it. Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for this blog today.

[Colleem McSpirit]

I do not understand why you are so angry. Is it not possible to turn the anger into the positive and offer to help with the web site? Other then the fact it "sucks" you offer nothing constructive. Do you not want a day? Do you think it should be a different day? What is the website lacking? What do you think it should provide?
FWIW I am the editor of the Oct. 15 newsletter. I am VERY open to suggestions on how to improve it. Or better yet help me. I am a very busy newspaper woman, I do the newsletter on a total volunteer basis in memeory of my stillborn dd. I appreciate any help as much as I appreciate suggestions with merit. I am sure Robyn feels the same. We are all hurting from not having our precious babies with us. We should join together. At the very least your criticism should be constructive so we can improve the website to help other traveling down this many times lonely path.

[Robyn Bear]

I am really sorry that you are having such a bad day. If you need to talk, I am here.

Hugs,

Robyn Bear

[aliza at babyfruit]

Hi Robyn, et. al.,

I guess as newcomers to Babyfruit you don't realize how snarky I am - that's just my style. We all have our ways of coping with our losses. Mine is by bitching and moaning.

And I have emailed Robyn offering to redesign the site although I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a great designer. But I can certainly create an interim site until a stellar designer steps in to help.

And as for the long comment above, get over it. I wasn't slamming Robyn. I was complaining about the lack of funding toward this day/month/cause and bitched about the web site design (another sign of lack of funding) and lack of rubber bracelets (another sign of lack of funding).

If we all put our money and/or talents where our mouths are, then Robyn will surely be inundated with offers to help further the cause.

Hey, glad my snarkiness drew attention to the cause. I always feel a good snark-fest can bring great things. Snark on!

[Robyn Bear]

I have never been to babyfruit before. Today was my first after someone pointed me here.

As far as the rubber bracelets, Lisa Brown sells them. I see sell other kinds of bracelets and would never allow them to go out of stock, especially as close to October 15th as we are.

The site is being revamped now by a professional which the funds from the memorial store funds paid for. But thank you for the offer. And I am glad you noted (lack of funding).

Hugs, Robyn