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She isn't rejecting you. none of this is personal!! She's just a baby! I have conflicted opinions: I am very pro-breastfeeding, and yet even though I am cheering for you, all the way across the country, I worry that this endless stress, pain, and negative feelings are all you can focus on, and you can't enjoy these first few weeks. But there is a little piece of me that thinks that maybe she does know what she needs/wants. my neighbor's breastfed (still) 14 month old has had 8 ear infections, all requiring antibiotics in the past 10 months. My daughter's father: formula, and has never even had chickenpox. There are millions of examples like the above. I am cheering for you to succeed, not necessarily at bfeeding, but at settling into some sort of easier situation than you currently have. Whatever you do, you aren't a failure. Your blog means a lot to many people. Try to step outside yourself, and imagine that a close friend was in your shoes. What would you hope for her? What advice would you give her?


Aliza, sounds like there has been some progress and that's very encouraging. You can do it!!!

By the way, thanks. I'll have that song in my head all day.


plucky punk

Hey, I got your Ramones reference. Woot!

I'm sorry that you're still having so much trouble. On my end, something seems to have eventually clicked for Abbie and me on the breastfeeding front. After weeks of non-latching, she seems to finally have gotten the hang of it. (Hopefully you and NG will have a similar spontaneous breakthrough!)

Weird thing is, she only likes the left booby. She *hates* the right one, can't latch on, screams and kicks. So that is my pumping boob. But the pump isn't as effective as the baby, so that one is always on the verge of engorgement, and bigger than the left one. I'm afraid of I don't pump it I will lose my milk, but if I pump too much I will over produce. I kind of think I'm over producing anyway as I leak all over the place. So now I'm also paranoid that the baby is filling up on the watery foremilk and not getting the good fatty hindmilk.

Oh, and Abbie does this charming thing where in the middle of nursing she'll clamp down on my nipple and whip her head from side to side. Ouch.

So, now I'm painfully lopsided, leaky, and covered in lanolin ointment for the spots she rubbed raw whipping her head around like that. This is really a pain in the ass!! lol

Don't mean to unload all this on you. Just thought, maybe misery loves company.


You are doing great!!! I am sure that she will get the hang of it soon. A nine minute latch is huge progress!


A one month old baby is incapable of rejecting you. She is hungry and wants to eat. The most important thing is that she is growing and healthy. The rest will sort itself out.


Please, PLEASE don't feel guilty.

Are you still pumping? If so, you might get a kick out of the comments on my website (

Your baby sounds like a cutie pie.


I only wanted to affirm what the others are saying, and just say I understand the quandry in those around you wanting to support you, and not being able to get it quite right. When our first was 5 weeks old, and it was still so hard, I was sobbing in the rocking chair holding him, and my hubby says, "let me just go get the bottles and formula, you've done all you can, you don't have to go through this anymore". He meant to HELP. He wanted to HELP. I nearly hated him for it, and he couldn't get why!

Just offering supportive thoughts for continuing on, and for adjusting in any way you feel you may need to. Whatever you do, really, it will be OK. Even though what we all understand from your painfully honest posts, is that you most deeply desire to get this breast thing straightened out. We're still rooting for you (and baby NG).


She is not rejecting her mama! It must be so easy to take it as an early slight. You have been so determined. If this is going to work, you will definitely make it happen.

And she is healthy, so you have been doing a great job. I really hope you get some more positive reinforcement soon for all your efforts.


You have come so far. Many others would have given up by now. I did, I know.

I think you're on the right track by presenting the nursing as smile/fun time. I am so proud of you.


Keep trying! I did read an article in Parents or Parenting ( i'll find it)that the new fad is just pumping your milk and give it to your baby instead of formula. I don't know it sounds kinda like a hassle but at least you know that she has the best milk. You are a very strong woman and just remember that she is too!


Ive been silently watching your blog, silently praying that the nursing would either work out or you would give up. I have shed tears for your hungry baby. I am so proud of you for your determination and so thankfull that NG is being fed. This is just a teeny tiny portion of her life, a teeny tiny bit of the things you will do together and you will do for her. Youre not a failure and neither is she.


Have you tried changing up your lotions/perfumes/soaps etc? I found with one of my kids that they really disliked a certain type of laundry soap I used. & I'm not sure if this is real, but if I ate certain foods its like they didn't even have to taste the breastmilk. I found for a while I ate the same things, to ensure they stayed happy. That an an occasional glass of wine before breastfeeding helped us all.
Good luck!

Susan Wensel

In addition to perfumes and lotions, think about what you've been eating. Certain strong flavors may work their way out through your pores (like garlic and onion) and distress her. In addition, certain foods you eat could upset her stomach -- I had a friend who couldn't have most cheeses, garlic, onion, or pepper because her newborn would get the worst gas and have nasty diapers.


Aliza, it took me 5 weeks to get my little girl breastfeeding, so hang n there@ We used the finger feeder (and alactation consultant) for the first 3 weeks, and just a I was transitioning Hayden to breastfeeding, she suddenly refused to take the breast. I attended some breastfeeding support group sessions (l;ed by alactation conultant), and she diagnosed Hayden as having lst her ability to compress. She told us to get a Haberman feeder (another Medela supplemental feeder), which is a bottle that requires both sucking *and* compression to release milk, and has a slower flow than any regular bottle (though faster than the finger feeder). A regular bottle has gravity to aid it, plus a baby need only suck to get milk, so there's no fear of nipple confusion, or even flow confusion.

I was reassured that Hayden would return to the breast when she was able, so I decided to leave her alone and not pressure her by trying to get her to nurse until I knew that she was successfully feeding from the Haberman. I didn't want to create any negative associations by getting her frustrated and very upset, which was what happened when she'd try to nurse and fail.

After 1-1/2 weeks of transitioning her to the Haberman, and then a few days of exclusive Haberman feeding, I returned to a support grop meeting. The lactaton consultant told me to try putting her on the breast, and lo + behold, Hayden nursed like a champ for 20+ minutes. Over the next 4 days, I transitioned her over to the breast. She's been nursing ever since as though that's the only way she's ever been fed! I firmly believe that being patient with her was crucial part to pur ultimate success in establishing breastfeeding.

Try the Haberman -- the finger feeder teaches sucking only, so doesn't really emulate nursing as much the Haberman does -- and hang in there!


Aliza -- Also, you need to pump EIGHT TIMES a day, every day, to build up your milk supply and get it established. Your letdown will become faster as this occurs. I was diligent about pumping every 2-4 hours, and my supply did build up quite nicely.


I took care of a newborn recently who's mom pumped but fed via bottle... I of course am not a mom so do NOT take my word as gospel. I did not ask why they were doing it. I think it's the mom's choice. Just throwing that out there as an option. I believe this is what a couple of blogging moms are doing as well. Ultimately I hope you and NG are doing well and congrats on hitting her birthweight that's great!


You're doing great mama! I'm sure you and NG will figure this out soon.

Have you tried getting her to latch when she's sleepy and/or in light sleep? When my son was being difficult about nursing I was throughly shocked when someone told me that babies can nurse during their sleep. I tried it, and it worked.

Another tip I've heard is rebirthing. You sit in a warm bath with the baby and dip them in the water (I'm thinking up to her shoulders) then lay her on your chest to simulate what would happen after a birth. Then try to latch. Sounds cooky-ish, but I've read it worked for others.

Hopefully, by the time you read this, NG will have crossed the picket lines.


When I breastfed (it always hurt ... A LOT), I remember my husband telling me I could stop and that the baby would be fine with formula - I would become enraged at him. Then he would change his approach and tell me that I was doing a great job and to not give up - and I would still get pissed at him. I didn't want his cheering even b/c even though it was meant as support, it felt like pressure to stop or to continue. It was something that had to be on my terms completely. All I wanted was him to listen to me. I eventually did have to stop b/c I was hospitalized for four days due to severe mastitis (I was unable to breastfeed or even pump .. my nipples shed and regrew skin several times in the weeks following, and they still hurt 6 months later, so it was very extreme and I don't mean this as a "give it up" comment). Anyway, my point is that you'll probably swing at times whether you want to stop or not, and you are entitled to swing. The support is for you either way. I have no suggestions or advice. It sounds hard really hard right now. I'm sorry.


I have no advice, but I wanted to applaud you for trying so hard, and I really, really want to back up the posters who have said that your baby isn't rejecting you. You she likes, or you wouldn't be around her to the point of exhaustion. The breast--well, just one more confusing thing in a vast sea of things that confuse newborns.
Hang in there.

Have you tried hanging out in the bathtub with the baby? That helped a few friends of mine. I wish you the best of luck. Of course you will feed the baby any way you can when you get down to it. She's already had a great start. I think you absolutely have a great chance of being able to get her back to breast though!! Hang in there.

Also - it's "I Wanna Be Sedated," ahem :) (I love that song)


There's lots of good advice here so I wont add to it. I just want to say I'm amazed at your persistence and think you are doing a fantastic job. You will get there.


So, I originally read the breast beast line as "the breast is beast" (get it, the breast is best...). That's what they need to hang up at the lactation center :-)

Hang in there.


If it helps, I have been reading and pulling for you.

You CAN do it, and it WILL get better. You're not a quitter, and NG needs you and needs breastmilk. And it's much, much better for her straight from the tap.

Don't give up. You will be so proud of yourself in a couple months (it seems like forever now, but looking back it will seem like just a flash) because you will be reaping the rewards of breastfeeding your lovely girl.


Ok-two latch ons-and getting close to eight pounds and heading towards a full month-you can do it! I had a friend who was sure her child was going to end up in therapy because of a re-occuring dream of the giant decending boob..just thought it might give you a giggle! Go to bed with her-try the different positions as you doze, make sure you're eating and drinking to hunger and thirst and pumping in-between. It WILL happen! Just like the pregnancy and the baby happened. Play some music or whatever-maybe try the latch on on the go. Take the focus off, and think about some of the other ideas people have given you. Remember-she is also getting chubby because she's getting some of your good stuff which is helping her to digest the formula to its best advantage. You have an enormous amount of people who want you to figure this out! Rest in that community of good will vibes and trust that, with time and sleep and practise-this can happen for you. Failure or success is not a cut and dried thing-it is just this moment or the next.

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