It is sometimes hard to convey all the details of what we are going through properly when blogging - I try to get across the gist of things and also try to reveal everything I can but still some things get lost in the translation.
In terms of feeding, I've been supplementing with formula for weeks now - since NG was not getting to her birth weight as we approached the 2 week mark and since my breasts were painful and milk diminishing because of the breast woes, I started her on formula per my lactation consultant's advice. We're using Earth's Best organic which costs about $3-4 more than regular formula so not a big deal.
So I am formula feeding. As my breasts got worse and the breastfeeding became unbearable, I went from breastfeeding almost every meal to half and half and then suddenly to mostly formula.
At this point, I've been feeding her about 16 oz of formula a day and about 4-5 oz expressed breast milk - about all I can get from my breasts after 5-6 pumpings per day (I know, still pretty pathetic but better than 2-3 oz a week ago and yes, I am trying to up my pumping action).
The thing we are not doing is using a bottle - we are finger feeding her with a Hazelbaker Finger Feeder which means she sucks on our finger with a small tube that drips formula into her mouth - taking much longer than a bottle. She LOVES the "magic finger."
She also doesn't really like a pacifier and prefers the finger so I'm always calling out when I hear her cry "Give her the finger! Giver her the finger!"
Anyway, after 3 weeks breastfeeding with infected open wounds and pain, we moved to almost exclusively formula to let my breasts heal and then once they did (a little over a week ago), NG started rejecting the breast. So for about 9 days or so she was totally being fed by finger feeder - usually 1 feeding with the breast milk at night and the rest of the feedings with formula.
Then I got wise and realized that since she digests breast milk so much more quickly and efficiently, it is better to give formula at night and THEN the breast milk in the morning. That way, she sleeps more soundly at night. I'm up 2x a night feeding her.
The Great News
Well, even though the nipple shield I bought is too small and it has already cut up my left nipple again (but I am hoping I will heal more quickly if I keep stress down, get more rest and continue my supplements and acupuncture) - she breastfed 3x today on the right breast WITH the shield for almost 20 minutes each time!
I even brought her to bed when I was going to nap and offered her the nipple shielded breast while lying down and she fed and then napped next to me.
So this was all a miraculous day because of these small accomplishments. Big accomplishments.
She still will not get near the naked breast. She wants the shield. So I have to get the correct size ASAP to make sure the right nipple doesn't get cut up as well. The pain in the left breast is minimal - I think because there is no infection. Must keep it that way.
Great news! I keep reading and was hoping NG would take back to nursing for you. You are so strong, many women would have given up the breast by now. Great news.
Posted by: BeachMama | July 24, 2006 at 04:00 AM
Oh, this is such good news. I was wondering what finger-feeding was, but hadn't asked. I'm so happy that things are going better for you.
Posted by: Nikole | July 24, 2006 at 04:58 AM
Yeah! So happy things are turning around for you and NG.
Posted by: Stacy | July 24, 2006 at 06:17 AM
I have been reading your post for several weeks. I have a daughter who is 6 weeks old (just a little older than NG). I was determined to breastfeed her. Like you, I my breast were sore and cracked. They would bleed everytime I fed her. At her first Doctor's visit, she had not regained her birth weight. At her second visit, she had gained no weight. By the third visit, the doctor basically told me I HAD to supplement with formula. I got a breast pump, and like you, I was only able to pump a small amount. I cried because I felt like I had been starving my baby. I nursed her almost constantly, so I just didn't understand why I wasn't making enough milk. I felt totally defeated.
Now at six weeks, I breastfeed at night (I can't get her to latch during the day), and I bottle feed during the day. I usually pump about 6 -8 times per day, but I can only get about 1 oz per breast. My LC and my doctor keep telling me that my milk supply will increase, but I haven't seen any increases so far.
My daughter is beautiful, but she cries a lot. She never seems to be happy. Sometimes I honestly believe she is still mad at me for starving her during the first weeks of her life. I don't think I'll ever be able to breastfeed exclusively. I think I would worry constantly about whether or not she was getting enough food.
Just know that you are not alone. I love reading your post because I feel like we have so many things in common, and its comforting to know that I am not the only one who is struggling.
Posted by: Christy | July 24, 2006 at 06:17 AM
My daughter had problems latching on and we used a nipple shield until she was about 10 weeks old. I was about *this* close to throwing in the towel several times. I would pump and have a bottle of breast milk handy for public outings as using the breast shield was such a messy and frustrating process. If it wasn't for the support of my husband, constant emails from all my good female friends, and the nipple we would have never made it-- little K curled her tongue in, toward the roof and back of her mouth instead of in the usual U fashion.
Keep at it little mama, it will all come together for you some time soon. Breastfeeding ain't easy. Having said that, I've had interactions with several lactation consultants in my area, and all agree that some time between the 8th and 12th week of life babies seem to "get" it.
Hoping NG starts digging the babas soon....
All our best,
J & little K
(from CT)
Posted by: Jenn | July 24, 2006 at 07:01 AM
Glad to hear you seem to have turned a corner. A tip that may work for the soother is to dip it in formula (or breastmilk, if you have a little to spare ;-)) She may just take it then, if it is an issue. My daughter would only take the finger too, but at least I never had to wean her off a soother - my new little guy loves to suck on anything, so we keep the soother handy - I'd rather wean off a soother than try to get rid of his thumb.
For your nipple shields - are there any on line sites that can get the right size to you before next Monday - I'd hate for you to have bad booby relapse. You post sounds like you are in better spirits, I hope the good guys keep winning.
Posted by: Jodi | July 24, 2006 at 07:24 AM
WOOHOO!!! WAY TO GO NG AND ALIZA!!!!! You are a truly amazing mom/baby duo!
Posted by: Cherith | July 24, 2006 at 08:13 AM
I am so glad to hear that NG is getting some breast action. I suspected your persistence would pay off!
Posted by: Sara | July 24, 2006 at 11:16 AM
Your posts (especially yesterdays about loosing) struck so many chords with me (even though we're very different). I went through the whole thing, pain, infection, low supply with my daughter and gave up at 3 weeks. With my second, a son, I was determined, and also knew it would be hard, and went through the same stuff, and came out the other side to have a 20mo nursing relationship that meant an awful lot to me. It too, me about 3months before it wasn't painful. (I also did the pumping during that time, to increase supply, and allow my breast to heal).
I can compare the two times, so what made the difference for me was 1) knowing it was going to be hard for me 2) help; my mother was there and helping me the second time, not with nursing, but everything else, including cleaning the pump parts, getting me water, and generally letting me do nothing but concentrate on nursing 3) ibuprofen. I didn't need anything stronger, but I needed painkiller for the breasts.
I hope nursing works for you and that NG gets with the program!
bj
Posted by: bj | July 24, 2006 at 01:29 PM
I am so happy for you that you have been able to find something that works for both of you breastfeeding. Your strength and stamina all through this journey have been amazing.
Posted by: Susan Wensel | July 24, 2006 at 04:12 PM
Just wanted to say you're doing a great job, takes a lot of courage to keep going when it hurts sooo bad! I had the burning too, mine came from disposible breast pads, I was allergic. What helped - Soothies, a gel-insert you cool in the fridge and use like a breast pad. You can get them at almost any pharmacy now. Another product I came across by accident that might help you is this shield: http://www.nursingessentials.org/default.htm
Hang in there!
Posted by: Lizzy | July 24, 2006 at 11:34 PM
I feel for you! I too had troubles with nursing --- pain & bleeding.
The mixture of nursing and formula worked for me -- every day I would think, OK, that's one more day of breast milk goodness, great.
I ended up nursing with a shield for about 8 weeks before things felt OK. I would nurse as long as I could stand it, then top him off with formula in a bottle to make sure he was getting enough food. He didn't experience any nipple confusion -- he was just happy to have milk from any source.
Now at 3 and a half months, he'll eat from a bottle or nurse, he is fine. I wouldn't worry too much about the confusion.
Hang in there, you are a good mom and your baby will NOT remember any "trauma" or stress. Some new babies just cry, despite your actions.
Posted by: liz | July 25, 2006 at 09:32 PM
Sounds like your hard work and patience (and yes, you have been patient even though at times you may feel overwhelmed by the frustration) are starting to reap dividends for you and NG :-)
I'll be continuing to send positive vibes your way...*hugs*
Kim
Posted by: Kim | July 26, 2006 at 08:08 AM