wee little update

While NG is asleep in the sling on my lap, I have 2 hands to type so will do a quick update.

Breasts

Left nipple - still open sore but healing much faster than before.

Both nipples/areolas tender from the pump - I tried the smaller flange but yowza, it tugs too hard.

Right breast - The Bigger One, doing fine, thank you very much.

NG's Checkup

Baby is almost 8 lbs. - exactly 7 lbs 15.6 oz on the pediatrician scale and 7 lbs 14.1 oz on the lactation consultant's scale. Either way, she's chubbing up.

The rest of her checkup was stellar. We are so proud.

The pediatrician told me that older first time mothers tend to have a rougher time both adjusting to the change in life of having a baby and physically doing all the things that a, say, 20 year old can do. Like lactate. Or heal quickly. I felt some semblance of relief knowing that this whole first month wasn't plain ignorance or incompetence but was AGE. I am old, therefore my mothering sucks. OK, I'm kidding. I'm just old.

My Lactation Checkup

I love my lactation consultant, really. She is so no-nonsense, puts up with my rambling and always sends me home with a plan.

The latest, she was a bit shocked to find out that I was single pumping i.e. one breast at a time.

"I thought you were double pumping!"

"No, you told me to pump with one hand and massage my breast with the other."

"You should be double pumping by now!"

I couldn't be mad at her for letting me single pump for all this time. She has been saving my breasts and my life with her advice. All I kept thinking was "Yeah, double pump. That's the ticket!"

Lactation Checkup Continued: The New Plan

As per Jen, the LC, it is okay to use the nipple shield right now - and she gave me the 20mm one and the fit was perfect. She said that in a few weeks, she would not be surprised if NG left the shield behind and went straight for the real thing.

She also wants me to ease off the finger feeding and do the supplementing THROUGH the nipple shield. This is a variation of the SNS feeder that didn't really work for me. I'll put the finger feeder bottle between my breasts (held up by my absolutely can't live without it favorite Nursing Tank Bra from Walmart.com - $11.96) and thread the tiny tube beneath the nipple shield so it is between the shield and my skin with the tube resting in the fake nipple so NG can suck the supplemental formula or breast milk along with the real nipple.

And with the double pumping, she expects my milk production to really increase. Therefore, I should be setting a goal to do way more breast milk supplemental feeds than formula feeds. Right now, we are averaging about 6-7 formula feeds a day and 1-2 breast milk feeds. Today, I will work to chip away at that formula number and soon reverse the trend. I love goals. I am so damn goal oriented (obsessive workaholic perfectionist overachiever - same thing). This is what keeps me going.

The Reality

It is hard to do anything with a baby in your arms. And it is hard to put the baby down to do anything because she starts to cry and cry and cry and eventually you are afraid her head will explode or even just pop off her neck so you have to pick her up again. And get nothing done.

I have pumped at 8:30am and have an hour before the next pump. Every 2 hours will really get the milk flowing but check in with me at 10:30am and see if I'm sitting with two pumps on my boobs.

NG will have to eat soon. She is still sleeping in the sling (New Native Carriers rule! Note to self: Buy stock in this company if it ever goes public. Or at least send them a mushy email letting them know their sling is saving your life.)

But will I have the energy/strength/patience/wherewithall to set up the finger feeder between my boobs and get the tube under the nipple shield that has to be carefully stretched and placed over the areola and nipple to get a little bit of suction and then position NG wrapped around my body to get her to latch on properly without a) knocking the nipple shield off with her nose; b) yanking the nipple shield off with her surprisingly nimble little fingers; c) grabbing just the fake nipple in her mouth and messing up the whole process; or d) all of the above.

I may resort back to the plain and simple finger feeder but will be using breast milk this feeding and hopefully several more feedings today. As long as I keep double pumping at this rate (first pump of day was 2 oz on left breast and 3/4 oz on right breast - almost 3 oz in one pump session!!), then I'll be able to at least do 50% breast milk and 50% formula today. A milestone!

Things You Do

New motherhood makes you do the strangest things. Like...

1. Sitting on the crapper with a baby strapped to your body in a sling. Hey, you've got to poop, too.

2. Smelling your baby's butt (okay, to check the diaper, but still - when did you ever smell a baby's butt when you were single or without a baby of your own?)

3. Rubbing breast milk on everything - on your nipples, on baby's baby acne, on anything that looks like a sore or open wound or abrasion or skin irritation - because you read somewhere that breast milk can heal everything.

4. Sitting in the living room with flanges and bottles held to your breasts. I even have my own "nursing station" with a rocker glider, small table with assorted accoutrements, water bottle and magazine rack. Next step: Cutting slits in an old sports bra and putting the flanges through it for a makeshift version of a pumping bra to go hands free.

5. Leaving the house without taking a shower. Wearing the clothes you slept in last night. Covered with baby spit up, formula and spilled breast milk. With unkempt, dirty hair. Stinking to high heaven. And realizing that this is motherhood. This, my dear friends, is MOTHERHOOD.

Gratitude

Thank you to everyone who is commenting and emailing me with their tales of b-feeding woes. Not that I wish this misery on anyone but thank God we are not alone in our misery.

Comments

[Corrine]

Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!! I'm so excited for you! I used to read your blog daily but was pregnant myself and had a rough pregnancy so I stopped reading/commenting. For about 3 months, I had forgotten about blogs then came across your link in a Google search.

Anyway, I hadn't finished reading about your pregnancy, those terrible shots, and your daughter's birth. I didn't even read this post, I'm just so excited for you. You and your husband must be thrilled. Congratulations and have fun in your new mommyhood!! I saw in the bullets you're having lactating/bfing issues. I don't know what they are because I haven't read the post, but if you haven't been over to mothering.com discussion boards, you want to give it a try. There are a lot of women and info and encouragement on bfing. They came in handy for me. Some of them can get kind of fanatical but in general, it's supportive and full of information.

[mama kelly]

I am so glad to hear that things are going better

you have had such a hard time - you should be very proud

and I remember all of those moments fondly from my own previous baby mommy days

[pumpmom]

oh, it is not just breast milk that clears everything up, it is also mother's saliva. Just lick your thumb and rub--it disappears!

Seriously, you are doing great for hanging in there. I've gone from one to two, and from two to three, but going from zero to one was THE HARDEST.

[Colleen]

I'm amazed at your fortitude and your persistence regarding breastfeeding. Not everyone would hang in there as you have done during this difficult situation. You should be so proud of yourself!

[Cherith]

You are doing GREAT!!

I have totally pottied (I have to say it that way cause I have 2 toddlers) with my infant daughter in the sling. I also frequently work out on the eliptical with her in there. :)) Can't beat a good sling!!!!

[Panda]

I have done every single one of your "Things To Do"! Its amazing that one can still breastfeed while going to the loo. Motherhood makes you the god of multitasking, and makes you just not care about puke on your clothes anymore.

[Jessica]

Keep up the pumping. My milk production has really increased, especially during the overnight hours. In fact, I mentioned on my blog that I'm either going to have to wear nursing pads to bed at night or collect a bunch of kittens to follow me around to lap up the puddles of milk.

[4tops]

Good for you, and NG. You really are making progress. On the sling thing, our oldest lived in one for the first 7 months or so...if I could have figured out a reasonable, efficient water proof shower version, I'm sure I'd be a bajillionaire by now. From the sound of your tales, ie: the crapper, you relate.

May I please sound so old aunt assvice for one second and say that now that this child of ours is 11 years old, I get all misty eyed over remembering the endless hours and days and months of sling/baby wearing? Truly, even when it feels like a slow death march, it is going by quickly. When you feel the nuttiest, maybe maybe you might flash forward in your imagination a decade...oh, crap, who am I kidding. In those darkest moments, we can only hope not to A. kill the husband, B. Kill our self, C. possibly maim the baby or D. all of the above.

You're hanging on great. Pardon the assvice.

[OvaGirl]

am now in the breastfeeding zone aliza and am amazed and inspired by your tenacity. never understood how highly emotive/imperative the need to feed becomes how tied up in ones self esteem and confidence as a mother...
keep on, you're doing great

xx

[chris]

As for pumping while holding the baby, Eric would cry if I put him down so I used to put my legs up on the couch and make a little nest for him. That way he wasn't in danger of falling (between my legs and all) and was still near me. When he got a little older, I would give him a toy to "play" with. He would sit and watch as if to say "get me my breakfast!"

[Kier]

I've done every single thing in your "Things You Do" list, and laughed while reading it. Congrats on the improvements; I'm proud of you! Way to go, little mama!

[sweetcoalminer]

Very proud of you for sticking to it! You'll be so glad you did. You've got a great attitude about it, and it is HARD.

[BeachMama]

So glad to hear that things are looking up. Your lactation consultant sounds like the best. Hopefully when you get things all right with the world again you will mostly forget the first month and think only of how wonderful NG truly is :).

[rb in LA]

aliza:

you don't know me -- i only recently came across your blog -- but i just wanted to add my "hang in there!" to the chorus.

my (now 9-year-old) daughter NEVER latched directly on; she's been an opionionated and stubborn little bugger since the day of her birth. :-) i pumped, and used a nipple shield, for the entire time she nursed, which was ~9 months. and i managed to survive. YOU WILL TOO!!!!

hang in there! you'll get through it!!!! somehow!!!!

p.s. my (now 6-year-old) son nursed like a champ from the get-go, unlike his older sister. whatEVER. just another in the series of life lessons to remind me that i'm not in charge, and that the best-laid plans are, well, suspect. :-)

[Carrie]

Glad you are doing so well!

The smartest thing I ever did in regards to breast pumping was to slice into an old sports bra. I can't believe I held those stupid flanges with my hands for so long. Sweet, sweet freedom!

[evenewra]

So this is where I'll be in a few months...

[evenewra]

P.S. Tell me more... I want to know the truth of what to expect, and more important, that it's possible!