Never Say Never

I am learning the tough lessons of first time early motherhood - it ain't what you thought it would be. And now I have to reach into that Zen mind that I sought during pregnancy to accept the inevitable. In the "never say never" category, here are some things I have had to (or must) be at peace with...

10. I will never have a hospital birth.

9. I will never have an epidural or pitocin.

8. I will never let the nurses take baby away from my belly or let them interrupt those early minutes and definitely not let them bathe her.

7. I will never feed her anything but breast milk for her first year of life.

6. I will never introduce a bottle - she'll go from breast to cup.

5. I will never, ever, feed her formula.

4. I will never let my baby cry for more than a few minutes before checking on her.

3. I will never compare my baby with other babies.

2. I will never give up on breastfeeding.

1. I will never ever regret anything about motherhood...ever...

Comments

[Pamela]

Ah, yes, it's true. It ain't what I thought. But it is amazing and I'm as often stunned by the positive things I didn't expect as by the negative. Every baby, and every situation, is different, so you do the best you can. What matters is that she's healthy and loved, and it sounds like there's no concern about either.

[Colleen]

I can identify with many of the items on your list.

It's a rude (albeit rewarding) awakening, isn't it? I planned for an unmedicated birth and wanted to use hypnosis. I ended up with a C-section, a possible blood clot in my lungs and a baby who spent the first four days of her life in the NICU. But, difficult as it was and still is sometimes, she makes it all worthwhile.

I hope things are smoothing out for you all. I remember the first three months were the toughest for us. After that, it began to get much more pleasant.

From what I've read, I think you're doing a great job!

[Mo]

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. The "never" catagory is such a hard thing to get over. I mostly had the pregnancy and birth I wanted, but not being able to breastfeed has been painful. Reading your posts brought back all that saddness. The after birth body recovery has been the killer for me. I am overweight from not being able to get around for many months. I managed to do some damage to my back during delivery, which I am still in the process of healing from...finally now (my daughter is 11 months next week) I am able to get out for walks and bend over and pick things up on most days. I think the first three months are the most intense. After six months things start to get fun and more interactive. And now I am so in love this my daughter it is hard to imagine my life before her. Mommyhood is quite an adjustment. I keep finding that there is no management practice that can be employed when dealing with a kid and a husband. Very little of my work life has prepared me for the challenge of making a family.

[Kat]

Very soon you might want to add: "I will be able to go back to work and commit to it 100% just like before."

"I will not feel guilty about attention taken away from NG while working."

"I can juggle everything without anyone or anything getting less than 100% of me."

[Kat]

Can't forget: "I will not let any form of that annoying purple dinosaur in the home and I WILL NOT sing his damn theme song!"

[Amy]

More for the later list
I will not make the mistakes my parents made.

[Jenn]

You have a BABY. A sweet little girl. I know reminding yourself of that seems simplistic, but that is *honestly* what has gotten me through some really shit-ass moods in the last 5+ months. Like you, I didn't have the labor & delivery I planned, and K. and I struggled with breastfeeding for a good bit.....I had many, many, many days where I felt like my body had let me, her and my husband down, and I could recite the ways in which I thought my body had done this at the drop of a hat.

Repeat after me: You have a sweet baby girl.

Keep blogging, we're listening.

xo.

[Panda]

I could have written that list too, every single item applies. Its hard to come to terms with, it really is.

I try to remind myself that labour/birth/motherhood in theory is all well and good but you have to deal with that in the context of your body's capabilities and the baby you have. From what I've discovered through my experiences and from reading blogs is that it rarely goes according to the script.

Having said that, it totally sucks that we have to give up the ideals and dreams we hold so dear.

[Robyn]

Ahh yes, the realization that your control over reality is non-existant. There is no perfection either. You do the best you can like the rest of us. You love your child and husband without forgetting to love yourself too.

Your a great mom and you've put in some serious effort with breastfeeding! Any milk NG gets is better than none. Even if she's already got all you can give. It's still better than none. Do your best, that's all you can do and all anyone else can expect.

[suz]

I can relate with a number of the items in your list. Especially the breastfeeding one - I will never give up - I didn't with my first and I won't with the new baby when it comes in Oct.
Great blog :)

[BeachMama]

Motherhood is just as much a compromise as everything else.

And you may add later, "I will never be like my Mother". I hear her voice out of my mouth so many times.

[finch]

Finally, I am 17 weeks pregnant after 3 m/cs (age 39, no children). My birth plan: go to hospital, leave with baby. It's my one "expectation." The rest will just have to go with the flow.
Thank you for being an inspiration these many, many months, Aliza.

[Heather]

I'll try not to giggle too much! Ahhh parenthood is such a humbling experience! You really do become a better person for it all though! I wanted to add a possible "tip" for getting baby on the breast. It sounds as if your supply situation is at least a bit more under control. Babies are very sensitive to smell-you might try "fooling" her onto the breast by putting some sort of strong aromatic oils on the nipple shield , or under her nose (ask your lactation consultant or homeopathic practicioner)..I'm thinking eucelyptus, or peppermint, type. Wash the breast areas with the same and leave your lavender everything else in the closet for a few weeks. One fine day-put some above the areola,or under her nose and see if you can slide her on without the nipple shield. The idea is to take away the distinctions in smells-though the texture diffences will be the same of course. As an added "incentive" you might also try the ice to the nipple trick to make it poke out and be less "warm and un-inviting" to her when you first start the ruse. We fool momma sheep with mentholatum under their nostrils, and often get stubborn orphans in cattle and sheep to take a rubber momma by coating the nipple with honey or molasses-which of course is not recommended for babies. Might be worth a try though within the perimeters of using something that won't irritate her eyes too much. Mentholatum is a good all purpose preparation for this-but you may be opposed to using it because of it's petrolatum. Heather