After a year of not being okay, not feeling right, feeling downright awful, struggling with PPD, I'm finally trying medication. My naturopath referred me to a colleague at the same practice - a Family Nurse Practitioner - who has a specialty in dealing with depression.
I just started taking Effexor today. I hate reading about it on the Internet because, as always, there are thousands of people who say it ruined their lives (as with every antidepressant on the market). Right now, I'm putting my trust in this practitioner who pretty much nailed my symptoms to low dopamine and not low serotonin which is the more common diagnosis. It totally fits. The anxiety, irritability, irrational at times, uncontrollable anger, forgetfulness, scattered, blah, blah, blah - everything I've been feeling that isn't really "me."
I have no idea if this will work. I'm just so sick and tired of being off kilter that it is finally a stronger feeling: wanting to be well versus fear of antidepressants and hatred of Western medicine.
One thing she said was that everything my naturopath has done for me is really supportive for being on this medication. Strengthening my adrenals in particular is in keeping with the holistic treatment of my condition.
Possible side effects: similar to too much coffee - headache, nausea, jittery.
On 37.5 mg to start. She doesn't believe in high doses but may bump me up to 75 mg if I need it. Personally, I think that my acute sensitivity to anything I take will make it work at a lower dose.
She also said I may feel something within a few hours or days, not weeks. Well, right now I feel this buzzy feeling in my head and across my scalp and forehead. Very bizarre but not frightening or entirely unpleasant. Like a vibrating scalp massage. Hmmmm...or it could be my mind playing tricks on me, who knows.
I just want to feel better and to be better. NG deserves a mommy who is more like the woman I was before the hormone molotov cocktail on my brain. She was fun, capable, loving and positive about life with just the right amount of snarkiness thrown in for good measure. I want her back. I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind having her back again, too.
I don't have much to say beyond: Good job on taking care of yourself! :)
I hope the Effexor kicks in quickly and brings you back to feeling fantastic.
Posted by: Violet | June 27, 2007 at 03:38 PM
I've been reading your blog for a while, but never added a comment before, but I wanted to share my experiences with you and hopefully share a little hope. I'm also a first-time mom at 39 (soon to be 40), of a much anticipated little boy. PPD set in for me quickly, though I kept hoping it was just the baby blues. By the time my little guy was 10 weeks old (and I had help with baby care, to boot), I was crawling back into bed at 10 a.m. pretty much to hide. I was terrified of taking antidepressants, but finally decided that the depression was a fight that I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to be ME and to learn to be a mommy to my little guy.
Taking medication was, far and away, the best decision I ever made. It took a while -- 3 weeks -- for the meds to kick in, and my depression deepened before it got better. And, we had to bump up from 25 mg. to 150 mg. (I'm taking Zoloft.) But, it DID work and when it worked, it was like a switch turned inside me, and I was suddenly ME again. I also completely fell in love with my little guy, and all of a sudden (and deepening every day) I totally *got* what all other new mommies were talking about. I was fascinated with, craving, and feeling so bonded to my baby. I am so grateful the meds exist to treat PPD, and I shudder to think where my son and I would be, if I hadn't taken them.
One thing my therapist told me that was so helpful, just before the meds kicked in (and I was petrified they wouldn't work, after having gotten over my fear of taking them to start with) ... She said to have faith, that we know so much about psychopharmacology and there IS a med that would work for me. It might not be Zoloft (turns out it was), but that there were LOTS of options and it was only a matter of time before we found the right med/right dose. The 3 weeks it took for the Zoloft to kick in was really tough. But, she was right.
I hope the Effexor is as positive a choice for you. Hang in there. You WILL get there.
NG is gorgeous, by the way.
Posted by: Anne | June 27, 2007 at 06:19 PM
I second the good job comment. You have to look after yourself and do what's right for you, and nothing else matters.
Posted by: Anne | June 28, 2007 at 04:01 AM
I took Effexor for a time, and it was fine. Don't be too worried about it! You will know if it isn't right for you; just don't quit abruptly, but take tht imeto taper off gently.
Posted by: ls | June 28, 2007 at 04:53 AM
I know you are disappointed but hopefully the results will be worth it. I ended up on Lexapro during my infertility and it really helped me be myself again. Hope that happens for you, too.
Posted by: Eva | June 28, 2007 at 06:03 AM
THANK GOD! I am de-lurking to applaud your decision to finally take medication! I have been hoping you would realize this was a viable option. I am a 42 year old mother of 9 month old twins and, for the second time in my life, I have needed Effexor to help me deal with chemical depression. Although it DID take a month or so to wean off of it the first time (and likely will again) it was the best medical decision I ever made. I can finally mother with a happy heart! Good luck and good job.
Posted by: eck | June 29, 2007 at 10:36 AM
I feel I must comment on this.
I took prozac for a few years and it helped me a lot. I hope Effexor will work for you.
On the other hand, 3 years ago I felt really bad while in the subway, lost temporarily my vision and collapsed. Since that moment I have become very very anxious. I'm on Xanax XR but I don't think it helps me as it should. Some days I feel ok....not really ok, as I used to feel before that incident, just ok as I feel after it. It's not the same ok. And I'm always tired, have no energy, always feeling strange. Sometimes alienated, confused, afraid. Too much light disturbs me, too much noise disturbs me. I loose my balance. My heart rate is always very high. I don't feel like me. I don't really feel happy. But I want to feel me again, without this anxiety and fear of everything.
Does anyone out there has felt like this? If yes, what helped you? Advice is welcome.
Good luck, Aliza.
Posted by: helena | June 29, 2007 at 03:26 PM
Met you at APC talk--I'm 66, isolated because caregiving my almost-91-year-old-mom bedridden with Alzheimer's disease (leaving my 35 years in Japan to do it), and in the middle of Year 4....and my depression mirrors yours as a new mom......I see a naturopath in Anchorage occasionally (when I can get out) and will take this info!! Thanks! I feel less alone, and LOVE your blogging book! & Your Blog.
Posted by: Kay | July 12, 2007 at 06:02 PM
I hope your decision on starting meds works well for you - as you know, I was taking Lexapro for 6 months, and it made a world of difference for me (I had a TON of physical symptoms with the anxiety). I know you wanted to stay natural with your care, but don't feel that you have lost by having to take meds - sometimes they are just necessary and it can be temporary. I am doing fairly okay, being off the Lexapro now for a month. So, just think of this as a stepping stone for you - a path to overall wellness. :)
Posted by: Tina | July 25, 2007 at 07:18 AM