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Yes, absolutely. I was sure that she loved everyone else BUT me and that I was the milk machine. Of course, postpartum depression made me even more sensitive and anxious about that. It didn't help that she only would say anything that sounded like "mama" when she was hungry and...that's it. Even my MIL got all of the really big smiles and expressions. And add that to the fact that she is independent and always on the go.

I'm trying to remember when that changed. I think it was only within the last few months that she will run away and THEN run back for a hug. Or call out for mommy when she isn't hungry. Or snuggle in my lap. But I think that for that first year and then some, I was her source of food and diaper changes and that was how she saw me. She's 19 months now and (finally!), I get all of the smiles and hugs that Grandma gets. As for my daughter saying "daddy"? (Which rattles out fast as in "daddydaddydaddy!") It is definitely an easier word for her. D's and G's usually are for that age.


Maybe NG senses your resentment, or ambivalence, or whatever you want to call it. Babies are pretty receptive to our feelings. Just keep giving her your unconditional love.


My daughter is definitely a daddy's girl. Sadly, we were unsuccessful at breastfeeding. The girl never latched, not even her bottle. Anyway, much of the time during her first year she seemed more connected to her dad. Even now at 22 months she is clearer when she calls him dad. One thing I pointed out to my husband and requested that he do for me, just what I did for him: increase the excitement factor about seeing me. My daughter is very excited to see her dad because I say alot "Here comes your daddy" and make a big deal about it. Once he start doing the same for me things really improved. I think kids pick up their cues from adults about what and when to get excited. Also don't second guess yourself...the parent who spend the most time with a kid is taken for granted. And give yourself some credit that you have a happy, healthy, independent baby. Clinginess in kids while gratifying is not always such a good thing. From everything I have read on your blog you are doing a great job. Kids are fickle. My daughter still pushes me away a lot. Consider that your are still getting to know this person. Motherhood is a journey. Remember great moms are made.


I haven't had any attachment issues, but my daughter has almost never said Mum. She is 13 months.

She says DAD like she can't say it enough.

Actually I do a fair bit of 'where's Daddy - oooh look there's Daddy'. Maybe that is part of it.


When I was told the starting at about a year babies will favor one parent for a period of time, then the other I balked. Over the years, it has proven to be true. It doesn't make it unless hurtful when it happens to you. But just realize it is a phase (while she always be daddy's girl) to the extent of preferance will change. One day you will be flavor of the month and G will feel slighted. Just neither one of you try to get your feelings hurt.


I have noticed that my DS has favorites at different points - sometimes he is so excited to see me, sometimes he could care less.

It must be sad for you right now - but I don't think it is anything personal. She just may prefer daddy for now. It could totally different two days from now.


hm.. you donoy land up anywhere with too much expecations.

i have faced seen that in the case of several daughters


This post really resonated with me. My daughter is a cat. When she wants to be rubbed/cuddled, she climbs into my lap with a book or toy. But it's on her terms when that comes up though now that she's three, she's pretty good about giving me what I want when I come in the room and say, "I need a hug." She is bonded to me and talks about me and wails about me if I'm not there. But a lot of this comfort in our relationship came after she could speak and tell me this stuff.

For a long time, she only said Daddy. Everything was Daddy and she never said Mommy even though she was speaking in complete sentences. For whatever reason, "Mommy" came long after she started speaking. It made me really upset and I spent a lot of time worrying/crying.

I don't know how/when it changed. I think a lot of it was speaking where she could tell us that she just doesn't feel like being cuddled. Or she does feel like being cuddled. And she could understand me when I said "I need a cuddle right now."

By this point, I don't worry that she's bonded to me or misses me, but I do have to admit that while I hate the idea of her crying, I do like to hear that she wailed for me after I left the house. Old doubts die hard.

My friend went through this with her daughter too and her daughter is just starting to come around. She's about 15 months--maybe a bit more. And now she will only go to my friend and no one else.

Hang in there. I hope it turns soon.


I feel really pity about you, but don't worry have faith in God

aliza at babyfruit

Thank you so much for the input. "My daughter is a cat" really resonated for me. I'm not really a cat person - more of a dog person - because I've always felt cats are aloof and independent and then loving only on their own terms. But lots of people love cats. And as long as I'm not allergic to them, I can learn to love a cat. And accept that my daughter is probably a cat, too!


I just wanted to add that my daughter is 15 months, says 'dada' loads but never says 'mama'. I agree with other posters that I think a lot of it is because I've always talked to her about her daddy lots, but he never talks about me as much.
I was very encouraged the other day when I noticed that she's doing 'one, two, three!' exactly like I do it with her before swinging her or throwing something etc. She doesn't say it exactly (more like 'eh, de, deee!) but the intonation and intent are clearly there. So she may not be referring to me directly, but I'm clearly an important influence on her.


This is a bit late, and perhaps you're not reading comments anymore, but I wanted to reassure you with something I remember hearing ages ago - that we have chosen the name "Dad" (and its extensions Dada, Daddy etc) for our English word for the male parent because it is generally said earlier than "Mum". Why? As one way to keep the father invested in the process and hanging around to provide for the mother and child (this is historical, of course!). Several friends and I have also speculated about the overwhelming number of kids we know who start out looking more like their dad when little babies (and some later change) and wonder whether this is another of nature's "tricks" to keep dad around looking after baby.
No idea whether any of this is true, but it seems a nice idea!

aliza at babyfruit

Yes, according to my wildlife biologist husband and other biologists, the reason why babies resemble the father for at least the first 2 years is that it is nature's way of confirming it is his so he will stay and support the family. After that point, the theory is the baby and mom can survive. Interesting to think about why babies say Da sooner than Ma.

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