babyfruit: the (mis)adventures of mommyhood

Our Nether Regions

Well, NG and I are having dualing nether region woes.

I've been so wrapped up in my breast adventures that I have not paid attention to anything below the waist. I haven't been too sore, and I believe I had two small tears, each requiring a stitch but will ask the midwife next week for the details since you know how I love details.

Today, I've noticed that I am sore after all. Not just a bruised feeling but stinging and little sharp pains that I cannot seem to pinpoint but it is all Down There. Any tips on relieving soreness and other crotch care to make sure I don't get another infection?

On the NG Bottom front, I had noticed she wasn't having any poopy diapers so went back through the log I am keeping of feedings, pumpings and diapers. That is when I realized the last poops came on 6/24 - a full 4 days ago. Four days without pooping? Something was amiss.

So I called in to my pediatrican who, instead of making me feel like a hysterically neurotic new mom, told me to come in. Well, turns out NG had a "tight ring" in her sphincter (I think I am describing this correctly). One of the rings of many that make up that region was tighter than the rest and held her poop back in her tiny bowels.

The doctor stuck her finger up NG's little butt (with nary a peep from the brave little girl) and massaged the ring open. Then the Floods of Poop came pouring out - what a sight! And smell! Poor little NG.

Doctor said that either it was just a tight ring that needed a little loosening and she'll be pooping like a baby from here on out OR there may be a nerve missing from that particular ring so when poop approaches, no signals are getting to the ring to loosen and let things pass through.

If the latter is the case, this is found out via an X-ray (I think) and then surgery has to be performed. Surgery consists of actually permanently opening that particular ring because there is no way to replace a nerve. That will prevent future blockage.

Has anyone had experience with this i.e. someone with a baby with the same tight butt problem? I don't want to worry but surgery? I have to admit I'm a little freaked out.

And she has not pooped since we left the doctor's this morning although she has had enough meals to do so. Okay, I'm a lot freaked out.

Booby Update

Boy, oh boy. Just read the previous post of mine and realized how typing on little sleep means typos galore. Plus, I composed half of it with one finger of one hand while the other held NG while breastfeeding on the Good Breast.

Well - here is an update!

Went to midwife for the boob issue.

"You have mastitis," she said. "We need to get you in to see a lactation consultant."

I explained the bad time I had with the one over the weekend but luckily, she was referring me to the Good Lactation Consultant whom had also been recommended to me by others.

I had to hurry over to the hospital to get in to see her. While I waited in the waiting room, I realized that she didn't realize I was waiting for her. I started to cry and the receptionist then realized what was happening and went to get her.

With tears streaming down my face, I explained what was happening now and what had transpired since giving birth and starting on the breastfeeding adventure. I told her about the nurse on the first night who mashed my right aureola in her fingers and swelling it up into a lumpy mess that never returned to its normal shape which may have been the start of the Right Breast trouble.

I told her that by Friday, my Right Breast was hard, hot and red and my left was close to it. And how I went to the LC at the hospital Saturday and Sunday who gave me mixed and questionable advice.

She asked to see my breasts.

"Wow," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "I've never seen anything this bad. This is one for the books. I wish I had a camera to take a picture."

"Really?" I asked and for some weird reason hearing that it really looked as bad as it felt made me feel kind of better in a way.

"I've got a digital camera," her assistant said.

"Take a picture. That's fine with me if it will help someone," I said and they did. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being bad and 10 being the absolute worst, she gave my Right Breast a 10.

The Left Breast was probably a 6 or 7. And she confirmed it was indeed mastitis. Then she proceeded to help me with everything from holding NG to the latch - I was doing the hold pretty well but her helpful hint to put NG's shoulders lined up between my breasts was excellent.

NG's latch is picture perfect - flanged lips, lower lip taking in more of the aureola - her mouth is tiny so the latch isn't as big as I would like but there was nothing wrong with her latch. Her sucking and tongue action was superb. NG gets a big gold star for being such a breastfeeding champion.

The real problem was the swelling that made latching on the Right Breast impossible for her. I was told that feeding her exclusively on one breast was absolutely fine and then I would need to pump the other. Instead of pumping for 15 minutes before feeding as LC#1 said, LC#2 said to pump no more than 5 minutes every 2 hours. This would keep the milk production more even but more importantly would help empty the breast as would the antibiotics I would be taking ASAP.

She was also shocked by the massive mess of nipple flesh on both breasts. When she worked on NG's latch on each one, she had me rate my pain (1 being little pain, 10 being excruciating and unbearable). On the Left Breast, the pain was instantly a 10 for about a minute, then an 8 for a few minutes, then a 6, and finally a 3-4 which was tolerable. On the Right Breast, the pain was a 10 almost constantly and then I began to cry so she stopped and let me pump instead.

Here are my exact notes from the consultation:

1. Right Breast - Green cabbage leaves just on red spot - insert into bra, cold or room temp. 3x a day for 20 minutes each time.

2. Right Breast - pump frequently for 5 minutes until soft. OK to just pump the one breast. Do not let the flange be off center or it will further injure nipple. Not more than 2 hours between pumping. Within 12-24 hours, the breast should soften but will produce less milk because of everything it has been through. The key is to lower the swelling.

3. Pump Right Breast as often as feeding on Left Breast - in a few weeks, it will catch up in terms of milk quantity.

4. Promote healing - eat foods and take supplements that promote healing.

Before and after the feeding on the Left Breast, she weighed NG and found that she had consumed 1 oz. of breast milk which was just the right amount. As long as she is up to her birth weight within 2 weeks, everything will be fine. At the rate she is gaining, 3-4 hours between feedings is okay but preferably not more than 4.

The best part of all of this - she listened and heard me, was not condescending, judgemental or dismissive and gave me advice that seemed sound and well-thought-out. I nearly cried with relief.

Please do not let my experience with breast feeding send terror through you. When all is said and done, I know I am doing the right thing for NG and will endure anything to give her the best. Right now it seems like the end of the world in terms of pain, but this too shall pass. I am just grateful to have the ability to muster a tiny bit of courage to continue to seek out better care from providers - even while running on empty in terms of sleep and energy.

I'm sure anyone here would agree - they would take a bullet for their baby. Right now, all I have to deal with is breast pain. Next week, we'll be singing while she sucks, I just know it.

Random Thoughts from a New Mom

oh, my rambling mind...

June 26

Holy Torpedos
The boobs are big. The boobs are huge. These missiles could qualify as weapons of mass destruction if they weren't so good for baby. They are dangerous. The engorgement is still there and milk hasn't totally come in yet so we've rented a Medela 2-torpedo electric pump to soften them up so NG can latch on. She will most likely be blown away when the milk is finally here.

No Pain, No Gain
Breastfeeding gives new meaning to this old adage. The nipple pain is absolutely excruciating at first suck that I burst into spontaneous crying until it eases off. NG went from birth weight of 7 lb 1 oz to 6 lb 5.2 oz forty-eight hours later. That is a touch below what the acceptable weight loss is. But two days later, she was at 6 lb 6 oz and one day later - today - she is at 6 lb 7.9 oz. So she is eating and she is gaining. And did I mention she is so precious?

Pump It Up!
So Saturday and Sunday I was back in the hospital but only for a lactation consultation about these engorged breasts of mine. The lactation consultant (LC) was an older woman with an eerie manner. After the two sessions, I finally realized what was weird about her. She was so condescending and dismissive but did it in such a mild mannered way that I didn't know what hit me. I think she is used to dealing with mothers who haven't ready every book on the shelf and done extensive research online and asked a lot of questions to have a modicum of knowledge about anything.

At one point yesterday, one of the bottles wasn't filling up during my dairy farm milking session. I mentioned it to her and she immediately said "Just relax and stop looking at it." So I did for a while then looked down again and it still wasn't filling. I noticed the milk was pooling in the opening of the bottle and not dripping down. I mentioned it again. She dismissed me again and said "Everything is fine. Just relax." Finally, the 3rd time I looked down and the milk was coming up the neck of the flange and about to spill out from the top.

"Is the supposed to come out the top of the flange?" I asked.

She finally looked and realized that the valve was plugged and not letting the milk down into the bottle. Duh.

She also layed a thick guilt trip on me when she looked at my feeding diary and instead of noting the many feedings that were between 2-3 hours apart, she zero'd in on one of the feedings around 4am.

"You didn't feed her for 4 hours," she said accusingly.

"Oh, I overslept on that one," I admitted sheepishly.

"You have to feed her every 2-3 hours. You can't let her sleep for 4 hours without a feeding. You must have 8-12 feedings per 24 hour period," she lectured.

"But I didn't do it on purpose," I protested.

"You can't let her go 4 hours without eating," she repeated firmly, rubbing salt in the wound.

Of course, I hear from my girlfriend in Wyoming that her doctor said not to let her baby go more than 5 hours without feeding. What gives?

June 27

Damn the Torpedos
The boobs are creating a monster out of me. With NG, I am so patient but with G. and Mom, I am the girl from The Exorcist with no priest in sight. In the middle of the razor-blades-slicing-my-nipples or "latching on," Mom tried to give some unsolicited advice and I replied between gritted teeth and excruciating pain:

"SHUT. UP."

That was all my brain (or lack thereof) could muster. Now she is holding a grudge and giving me the cold shoulder. Great.

With G., I got impatient with him as he desperately tried to assist me as I pumped and nursed. He began saying I needed to be nicer to him, more patient. Valid request, but in my pain-addled, sleep deprived brain, all I could think of was "F.U." So I said it and will regrat that forever. We later spoke about it and apologized to one another to get passed it. But it was ugly.

I know this is the point where some women give up on breastfeeding. I am not giving up.

just a quick hello

Proud papa is already trying out the Baby Bjorn to see if he can figure out how to work it with an actual baby inside.

NG and I are getting the breastfeeding thing down. She's quite the sucker and her latch seems pretty good. Nipples have already split, bled and blistered and well as swelled up. Lasinoh is great stuff.

Hip pain was supposed to subside after birth, but now it seems it wasn't her little head pressing at all. Pre-birth pain ratcheted up to 10x as bad after birth and am virtually incapacitated but learning to improvise caring for baby without the ability to walk.

Someone asked me the worst and best moments of labor.

Worst: Hallucinating badly for several hours after taking the Ambien - time that was supposed to be much needed rest and probably what sent me over the edge of exhaustion.

Best: Pushing, touching her head, seeing what was going on in a mirror, realizing that her safe and speedy exit was in my hands and being able to do it.

Going on 2 hours of sleep from last night, 4 hours from the night before. Sleep really is a precious commodity. I watch it sparkling like a diamond in the distance, just out of reach but oh so lovely.

Baby is bouncing in the Baby Bjorn. Her daddy is so excited to be carrying her hands-free but is now wondering how to take a shower with her attached to him in the carrier. Bring out the other baby gear - vibrating chair might do the trick.

Have told mother and husband that "only people with less than 3 hours sleep are allowed to talk right now." This is after asking twice that they please give me a few minutes of quiet, but they just kept on talking and talking. I think they got it this time.

OK, just rambling in a daze. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. We're over the moon with excitement and sheer joy.

Quick Questions:

1. What if baby keeps wanting to feed for hours (and hours and hours)? She bounces her head on my chest, searching for the nipple, over and over, crying if one isn't put in her mouth ASAP. We had one marathon "feeding" or rather sucking session (my milk isn't in yet) for about 3 hours straight as she wanted to go from one breast to the other and back with only a few minutes dozing in between. Is she a boob addict? (She also does the bouncing and rooting on Daddy's chest and refuses to believe he doesn't have perfectly good milk machines.)

2. The tops of my breasts are starting to get a little hard and they feel hot, like they have a fever. This is only Day 3 so not sure if this means milk is coming in, is trying to come in, is stuck in there unable to get out, etc. Not hurting at the moment but what could this be?

She's Here!

We are so exhausted but had to post a few photos. Let's just say from start to finish, I labored for 56 hours: 48 hours early and active labor (we call this BE: before epidural) then 4 hours active labor, 2 hours transition, 2 hours laboring/pushing.

There you have it! And here she is...

more soon. we're staying at hospital for 2 days just for the rest and assistance.