I love movies. I have this amazing ability
to suspend my disbelief and immerse myself
into other worlds, other lives.
And then, because of my memory problem
which I have mentioned before - where I
am missing large chunks of my past but then
see odd moments as slide shows in my mind -
I can see the same movie over and over and
rarely remember what happens next or how
it ends.
The last 3 movies I've seen have affected
me in different ways. And as I write this
I realize that they all had something to
do with memory or sequence of events
that resonated with me and my thought
process.
The first was a rarity for me - a comedy.
I always say that I hate comedies because
for the most part, I just don't find them
to be funny. The last comedy I enjoyed was
the first Charlies' Angels movie because
it was campy and kitschy and cute.
Went to see "13 Going on 30." I figured
it would be G., me and a lot of teenieboppers
but I really like Jennifer Garner and the
previews looked incredibly cute.
I cried through most of the movie. Yes, it
was a comedy but between hearing songs
from the 80s ("Jesse's Girl" by Rick
Springfield holds a lot of memory weight
with me - so sue me), it touched on this
feeling I was having about being older now
and how my life has changed so much.
What if we could go back or go forward
and change things? What would I change?
Anything?
Then saw "21 Grams" and the scattered,
non-linear plotline was so intriguing and
stimulating in the way that "Memento"
was - playing with story structure and
presenting snippets from different
moments in time that eventually present
the entire story to you if you held on to
each one. It made me think of how my
own memory works and it was incredibly
satisfying at the end when the pieces
actually fit together and the story could
be viewed as a whole. Highly recommended.
Tonight I went to see "The Butterfly Effect."
I was prepared to be scared and was,
closing my eyes a few times to avoid
certain scenes, but it affected me in a
much more profound way. Again, it was
about memories and also about going back
in time to change things. I left the theatre
thinking what if the things I am doing at this
moment irreparably change something in
a negative way, even though it is as
innocent as going home while G. goes
to a party without me. Flash forward -
something bad happens. Flash back -
I decide to go with him instead. What do these
small choices do to affect the course of our lives?
I am so fascinated by storytelling that
pushes past what I've seen before and goes
to a place where my mind says "yes, this
is so familiar." I had the same feeling when
I saw "Bladerunner" for the first time and then
even more deeply when I saw "The Matrix."
I'm forgetting that I saw yet another movie
this week that touched on the theme of
memories. "Big Fish." A young man tries to
find the truth in the stories of his father's
life as his father is dying only to discover that
so many of the stories were true and those
that weren't, were better memories than the
real ones.
These movies make me cry because they
make me think of these moments, all strung
together and loosely creating this life that
I am living. So much of it is missing from my
memory yet so much of it is deeply ingrained
in my psyche. Why have I made (subconsciously)
the choices I have in terms of memory?
What more will happen in my life and what
will I remember?
Comments