My girlfriends and I are "seriously" analyzing
last night's Bachelorette. We like to do this,
both by phone during commercial breaks
(now that we are unfortunately separated
by several hours' drive) and by email the
morning after. Here's a taste of our
delicious dishing!
JO
Okay, where to start...
Let me go on the record right now as saying that no matter who she chooses from this point on - she is doomed. I give the relationship 1 month from the final airing before we hear the publicist saying "they have decided to go their separate ways and the split was amicable." Puhleese.
Ryan was the only nice guy left standing. She likes John Paul for his money and family. She likes Jerry b/c he is mysterious and a pretty boy (the hair gel is too much for me!). In a sense, it truly is reality tv b/c she is a pretty and competent girl who is going to choose the guy and a relationship that is doomed to fail. Yes, I'm pessimistic but I was shocked last night. Maybe it's the way the producers want us to see it, but I was floored.
My take now is that she is keeping John Paul (enough with the two names!) b/c it'll be an easier let down than Ryan. Ugh. I didn't see any of the intimate and comfortable touching crap b/w her and Jerry that Aliza's been raving about. I thought there was a ton of awkwardness.
Oh, anyway.. where are your updates? Am I too negative about gel boy? I don't see the compatibility factor.
What say you guys?
Also, I don't like John Paul's lips.
ALIZA
I don't like John Paul's lips either or the artificial way he
kisses Jen.
Last night, Jen was a absolute freak. Totally insecure
and pushing Jerry close to the brink but I thought he
held his own. And I did see those intimate touches
despite the conversation fiasco. And he kisses way
better than the other guys.
But of course, next week is our reunion. When we
get to see the 2 virgins again, the freaky Frenchman
and the psycho gnome.
I think Ryan was a very nice guy but the chemistry
between Jen and Ryan was only a notch above
that of Wendell and Ryan.
She ain't going for the conversation - she is
going for the sex - and hands down, Jerry has
got to be the best, hair gel and all.
Now what is Andrew Firestone going to say
about all those guys dissing on him?
If she picks John Paul, it is totally because he
has money. I still am going with Jerry. I think
the producers orchestrated that last
awkward talk.
I heard that in one season, the couple already
knew they wanted to be together and got the
other person involved in the final choice to
agree to play along and pretend to be crushed.
I think it was the last season between Byron,
Mary and Ears.
MICHELL
Yeah!! I was so hoping for
bachelorette dishin' when I returned from
lunch. You ladies crack me up
with the "I don't like JP's (we're
nicknaming ole two names) lips"
and poor Tanya still can't live down her
"ears." Love it, love it, love it!!!
Yes, last night was sooo ultra
awkward and full of insecure comments
like... "So do you like me?" "So
what are three things you like about
me?" "So when did you first start
to like those three things about me?"
I wanted to scream at the television
set, "HE LIKES YOU ALREADY!!"
I agree with Jo that neither of these
relationships will end with
a billion dollar televised wedding.
JO
Thank you for the backup Michell!
If Jen was looking for a Ryan/Trista
ending to this whole fiasco, she
should have picked - well, you guessed
it - Ryan!
The whole line of questioning about
"the three things you like about me"
screamed of high school - and other
bad relationships I've had -
primarily the ones where I chased
around some lame ass boy who was
beneath me (not literally:)). When
you have to ask someone why they
like you and you're seriously asking
(you're not just milking the
situation for compliments about how
great you are) it's because you have
no confidence that the liking is real.
She should have listened to her
instincts! And then he answered the
question and she was like "but
really why?" and the poor guy (yes,
this was one of the times I sort of
sympathized with him) looked confused.
The really funny and ironic part of
the whole night was how she kept
saying that Jerry is not direct, doesn't
communicate in a way that she
can understand, etc...and then she
dumps Ryan. This is why women get no
sympathy from men when they cry
about the jerks in their lives. They
are practically begging (you can't tell
me she wasn't begging a bit last
night) to be involved with the
most intangible guy in the room.
Oh well. I am looking forward to
finding out if Fabrice is gay. He was
afterall the only man who didn't
race to the top of the Empire State
Bldg and who was more dramatic than
Mary in the limo after Bob gave her
the boot. Why haven't we seen
any Byron/Mary updates?
It's terrible to say, but Andrew ain't
looking too bad right about now
and I was never an Andrew fan.
Maybe she can still salvage something
there. I bet they could get $2 mil
from Fox for a prime time wedding.
ALIZA
I still think it is Jerry. Even if she picks John Paul Ringo George,
I'm still convinced it is Jerry.
I did see a Byron/Mary update - he just moved to Florida to
be with her. I'll see what else I can dig up.
...And you wonder why I love watching the (shallow,
stupid, worthless, pointless) show The Bachelorette!
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