Am I a Suburban Housewife...?

I'm feeling like a Suburban Housewife, although I don't really know what that feels like. Still, whatever I'm feeling, it must be it.

Symptoms of Becoming a Suburban Housewife:

1. My weekly calendar is planned around dinners. What will we have for dinner tonight? Tomorrow night? And what will I have to shop for this week to have just the right ingredients for those meals?

2. My trips to the grocery stores are now dominated by a goal-oriented shopping list to prepare said planned meals. No more am I wandering aisles picking up whatever looks good. It is all about the meal plan.

3. I'm vaccuuming. Other than the occasional vaccuuming of my RV using a handheld Dirt Devil and crawling around on my hands and knees, vaccuuming has not been in my vocabulary for years. I find myself reaching into the coat closet and pulling out the honker of a vaccuum cleaner my husband inherited from his grandmother and actually vaccuuming with it.

4. I'm doing crossword puzzles at bedtime. Okay, maybe I've been doing crossword puzzles for a while, but now it feels like an unavoidable pattern. Get into pajamas, get into bed, get out the crossword puzzle. Any day now I'll be needing bifocals to focus on my puzzles.

5. I've got those weekly plastic pill boxes by my bed. I have two of those plastic pill boxes that have a compartment for each day of the week to take my vitamins and supplements. So this may actually be a sign that I'm getting old and has absolutely nothing to do with Suburban Housewifery. I am now officially my grandmother.

6. I'm taking rainchecks on sex. Not that I don't love it, and not that I'm not totally attracted to my gorgeous husband, but I'm finding that sleep is a priority and I'm saying things like "We can do it tomorrow morning, I promise" or "Maybe wake me up in a little while and see if I respond."

7. I am clipping coupons. I kid you not. I am going through the newspaper like a sleuth, pulling out the coupon inserts and scouring them for suitable product discounts. I'm even contemplating enhancing my grocery shopping lists with items that I really don't need but have coupons for. Now that is scary.

8. I'm really liking my wine. I've discovered The Little Penguin Shiraz and Merlot. At $5.49 a bottle, this is the Suburban Housewife on a Budget's dream come true. Almost $2 less than my previous all time favorite cheap wine, Yellow Tail. I'm a connoisseur of cheap table wine. Help!

I'd go on, but personally, I'm terrified. I've spent so many years as a single, urban professional that this Suburban Housewife stuff is really freaking me out.

Comments

[Kat]

Shame on you Aliza. For someone so intelligent and caring, this is very one-sided and a true "put down" to what a modern day suburban homemaker is all about. It's much more than coupons, wine and crosswords. I've never done a crossword, I don't drink and I do still have sex and that's after a hystorctomy and cancer treatments.

[aliza/babyfruit]

oh, take a chill pill. it is a JOKE.

[private placement investment]

So this may actually be a sign that I'm getting old and has absolutely nothing to do with Suburban Housewifery. I am now officially my grandmother.