Blogging Your Private World

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I guess you could call me a confessional blogger. I blog about very intimate things in my life - both professional and especially personal - and I walk a fine line often in terms of what I should and shouldn't discuss. Where most people might err on the side of privacy, I lean toward the big reveals.

Recently, I taught a blogging class and mentioned that my most popular blog is a very personal one - my Babyfruit blog - where I have chronicled my 4 miscarriages, pregnancy, post partum depression, peri-menopause and struggles with motherhood.

"Why do you do this?" asked a woman in the class. I wasn't sure if she was judging me and horrified, or praising me and fascinated.

"Because I blog about things that nobody seems to want to talk about. Because I need an outlet for myself but also believe that other women could benefit from reading about my experiences," I replied.

I wasn't sure if I had answered the question satisfactorily, but then later, I received a hand-written letter in the mail from one of the women in the class thanking me for being so revealing in my blog. She, too, had been through infertility and lacked an outlet for talking about it.

This seemed to prove out what I've been saying since I first began writing about my personal life on the Web in January of 1995 (pre-blog on totally hand-coded Web pages). I feel that by putting aspects of my life out there - in glaring detail - I am providing information and support to others, particularly women, in areas of their lives that most people just won't discuss.

So back in 1995, I guess decide to take on this major responsibility to "save the world" through my words. Okay, I'm exaggerating about the saving the world part. But I do know it is a huge responsiblity as well as a risk to lay my life out in a public, global, viral forum like a blog, and I do not take it lightly.

But where does one draw the line between revealing details and saying too much?

My criteria for censoring myself is a bit amorphous, but here is my usual checklist:

1. Is it only about myself? If it is me talking about me, I believe that I have the right to be as revealing as I want to be. Self-centered, maybe. Honest? Definitely.

2. If it is about others, do I have their permission to blog about them? This is a sticky area because while I have in the past run blog posts by my husband, for example, I can't say I am doing that as often anymore. Also, I write a lot about my 2-year-old daughter, and at this stage, she has no ability to say whether she likes it or not. I actually had a health practitioner send me a certified letter saying I could no longer be treated by them because of things I discussed in my blog regarding the treatment I received from them. This occurred during a time when I desperately needed their continued care, flawed as it was. So I've learned some tough lessons about blogging about others.

3. If it is about me, who out there would I hope didn't read it? I do worry sometimes that my really revealing personal posts - about the medication I'm taking or body changes I'm going through - might be embarrassing to someone, for example, like a business client. I wouldn't be embarrassed for me because I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I'm going through. But maybe they'd be uncomfortable knowing these things. At this point in my life, however, I haven't found embarrassment to be a reason not to be honest in my blogs.

4. Is it accurate? Here's another sticky area. Is it an accurate portrayal of what my understanding is or feelings are of a situation? Yes. Is it truth? It is my truth, but it may not be the same truth for someone else. But I try to be true to what I believe even though my perceptions - like anyone else's perceptions - are likely to be skewed in some way.

As I read back over my very revealing blog posts over the years, I don't cringe. I actually feel empowered that I had the guts to go to those places - as dark, frightening, non-PC, and painful as they might have been. I think

I have stronger guts from blogging my life all of these years and that has served me well in all aspects of my life. But I also understand that I'm running a risk every time I hit PUBLISH. And I am willing to take that risk.

But what about are those around me?

Where do YOU draw the line when blogging?

Comments

[samantha]

Aliza, Great thoughts. I absolutely have my share of rants on my blog, but I have to say, the tough part of a readership (or not) is that there are things I'd really like to say (the betrayal of a lifelong friend, a marital issue, unwarranted exhausting kids when I should be grateful...), but I can't.
Do I write for my readers? No way. Do I squelch some thoughts to avoid real-world backlash? Yup.

Thanks again for the past.

[kathryn jones]

I don't think exposing the truth is ever the wrong thing to do, perhaps especially when the truth uncovers feelings that most people veer away from, often even going so far as trying to convince themselves that they don't have them. I find this is especially true with regard to relationships and motherhood (though I recently spoke with an 80 year old man about the huge depression he went through at the birth of his first child over 50 years ago- talk about long held, debilitating, unspoken pain). I think you are a hero for having the courage to put a face and words to feelings that society has told us we should feel wrong for having and yet are so universally shared.

[Kay]

Go on with it! We want to know we're not alone; you encourage us--you seem on top of everything and yet turn out to be human--and you never wallow! We needn't be afraid, we are not alone. We CAN talk about it. Thanks.

[Nancy in AK]

I love reading blogs which are personal and revealing and insightful and well-written. You explained the allure of blogs for both the blogger and reader very well in this post. I think blogging is a phenomenom of modern life. The huge impact of blogs (on women mostly) has not been written about much at all in the media.

[Carmen Villadar]

Being truly human in all its anguish, joy, pain, ambiguity and love is really all that we are - and yet we are above and beyond that - which is Love.

Sharing, connecting, revealing and most of all being honest are fundamental factors of learning and teaching. After all, isn't that what we're here to do - to some extent?

If we can empower one another through words them so be it. If we can show and extend our love and often ambiguous hate for ourselves, then even better.

The more we all realize that we are indeed NOT alone and that we are indeed CONNECTED - is when we all traverse the path of healing our world.

I'm with you on this.
You GO Aliza!

*hug*
Carmen

[sher]

aliza, quiet lurker here :-) i've been wrestling with this. i've been blogging about my family since 2002, when my oldest was about 4. now that she's nearly 10 and can read, she's a bit peeved that i write about her. when i do, i try to write about things that will not, if found by her googling classmates, completely embarrass her to tears. but it's a tough line.

[Scott]

Goodness, Aliza. I find your personal blog insightful--I rarely think about such stuff. I typically cover just plain ol' travel stuff. But I write about others a lot, both in the blog and in the Anchorage Daily News (www.adn.com/life/travel). I s'pose that comes from my newspaper heritage. But with that heritage there are some explicit rules, mostly regarding libel. And truth is a great defense. But I've also learned the hard way that sometimes I can be really right....dead right. Editors have saved my butt more than once. As bloggers, we're at a disadvantage in that respect.