How John McCain Could Win Back My Vote

Image by Getty Images via DaylifeI've said it before, and I'll say it again. I was actually really liking John McCain a few years ago. Back then, "Maverick" wouldn't have been too far off. Back then, he was really saying it like it is and shooting from the hip.

But today, he is a sad, desperate man who is probably realizing that selling his soul was the worst thing he could have ever done for his country.

I would reconsider my position on John McCain, even in this very late hour, if he said the following on national television and then walked the talk:

My friends, my fellow Americans.

I've made a mistake. A huge mistake. And I'm going off script to tell you about this and to apologize to you from the bottom of my heart.

I did vote with Bush 90% of the time like I said on the news clips you see all over the Internet. But I had to. It was part of this big game we call POLITICS. If I had my druthers, I would have planted my boot in the President's backside many times over the last 8 years. But I was weak. I gave in to political pressures and special interests with deep pockets.

And I admit it. I made a very big mistake choosing Sarah Palin as my running mate. In fact, I didn't actually choose her. You Americans think that I have control over what is happening in this campaign, but the truth is I've been nothing more than a puppet for the party. But no more. I can see that my advisors were wrong, wrong, wrong about how well-received Palin would be. And none of us could have anticipated the venom she would stir up against Barack Obama, a good man, a decent citizen. Sure politics get dirty, but the campaign put forth under my name has gone too far. I am saddened and disgusted by what we have been saying and doing. It isn't right, and you, my friends, deserve better.

That is why I have asked Governor Palin to step down as my Vice-Presidential running mate and have invited my good friend Joe Lieberman to run by my side instead. I know it is late in the game to be doing this, but he should have been my running mate all along - someone who is a seasoned politician with respect from both sides of the aisle. Someone who is positioned where I have been during my political career - somewhere down the middle - not too left, not too right. He's a smart guy with a wealth of experience, and I know you love him. I'm sorry I didn't go with my gut sooner.

To hell with you Evangelicals! Okay, that was a bad joke - I didn't really mean that. You Evangelicals are people, too, like our good friends, the Muslims. Enough of the Muslim bashing! How can you call yourselves Christians and then bash another person because of their religion. Which I must clarify yet again that Barack Obama is not a Muslim, but if he were, he'd still be my friend. Just like my good Jewish friend, Joe Lieberman.

America needs a president who isn't only a maverick but one who can actually stand up in front of the American people and be honest for a change. The last 8 years have been run on a whole lot of deceit and hubris. You need someone like me, John McCain, who can look you in the eye and tell you the truth. If I could, I'd take back all the time I wasted in the last months bashing Barack Obama because looking back at the tapes of my speeches, it only made me look like a bitter old man. I may be old, but I am not bitter.

I am hopeful that our country can get back on its feet - economically and globally. America is reviled around the world because of our current leadership, but I intend to change that. If I am elected your president, forget about everything I said before. I want to start fresh. So here goes...

I don't know anything about the economy. I've admitted that before. So I will bring in the best advisors for the job. And if I win the election, that means bringing some of Obama's financial advisors on board because they know their stuff.

I stand here now saying that I denounce all corporate and special interests. Gone will be the days of greed and wanton spending. Gone will be the back scratching and cronyism that I've witnessed all these years in the Senate - and by the way, Barack Obama has tried to stay apart from that fray, and I commend him for that.

I do believe we need to do things differently overseas. I, too, am sick of this chest thumping that our current administration has been doing. We can't win friends that way. We need to become a catalyst for world peace, use our power for good, not evil. That means no more invasions of countries for oil. That means stepping in when there is horrific genocide and championing the disenfranchised. That means we sure as heck better get on the stick with renewable energy solutions like our good friends in Europe who are so far ahead of us that even I'm embarrassed by it.

I am grateful for the chance to speak the truth to you today, to truly take charge and make room for change. If you vote for me, John McCain, for president, I pledge to bring my opponent Barack Obama into the fold as well because we need a visionary like him. And who knows, maybe he'll be running again in 2012 and will have 4 years of real experience under his belt. At that point, I'll be ready to retire and live out my days with my lovely and supportive wife and family in one of my many houses.

God Bless America.