12 Most Compelling Reasons I Do Not Follow Everyone Back

A good blog post gets a conversation going or really gets you thinking about something, often in a different way than you might usually think of it.

Such was the case with @tedcoine's post 12 Most Compelling Reasons I Follow Everyone Back which I just finished reading. I completely disagree with most of his post - not to say that the reasons Ted gives for following everyone are not valid. Of course they are! For Ted, that is.

I've always maintained, we each use Twitter in a way that best suits our needs. We don't have to use it like our neighbor, friend, colleague or any other person uses it. I think from reading Ted's post, he does agree his way isn't for everyone.

So I'm not disagreeing with Ted's personal choices in terms of following everyone back. I am, however, taking exception with some of the premises upon which some of his choices are based and in general have my own take on following/not following. I share them below to simply give a different perspective on following people back on Twitter. Perhaps none of this resonates with you either, and that's okay. 

1. Limits

"Any time you don’t follow someone back, you’re limiting who else they can follow. That’s not nice. Be nice."

If Twitter has arbitrary rules about how many people you can follow compared to how many follow you back, I think that's an issue people should take up with Twitter. This isn't a good reason why anyone should follow everyone back. I don't consider following someone back "so they can follow as many people as they want to follow arbitrarily" a nice thing for me to do. I think a nicer thing for me to do is to provide some kind of value so if people follow me on Twitter, they are glad they did. We shouldn't have to worry about other people's follow quotas but rather devote our time and energy concentrating on a more thoughtful use of Twitter.

2. Ethic of the Medium

The friend who introduced me to Twitter explained that automatically following back is the ethic of the medium.

Hmmm. That was one person's personal opinion (which may be shared by others, of course) that they imparted to a new user and held it up as the "Twitter Ethic." Poppycock. The ethic of the medium - if there really is one - might be "don't spam." Many of us choose to take the stance that we want to provide value on Twitter. That isn't the "Ethic of Twitter" but rather our own personal style or personal ethic in terms of how we want to communicate online. It is nice to have your own set of "rules" or "ethics" around using Twitter if you so choose, but there isn't any blanket set of rules or ethics that apply to following people back. 

3. Be a Lab

I’m friendly in real life – I’m like a Labrador Retriever – and Twitter lets me be friendly online as well.

I love the idea of being a Lab although at first I thought Ted meant be an "experimental lab" versus the dog. I still do experiment with Twitter but not by following everyone back. Not following someone back is not unfriendly unless the person who hasn't been followed back chooses to take it that way. Even then, it is a personal decision to take the lack of a follow as a personal affront. Not everyone in the world is a Lab, and they don't have to be. I haven't ever tried to compare myself to a dog, but if I had to, maybe I'm more of a Schnauzer. Still, even if I do not follow someone back, if they @ me, I do my darndest to take a moment to respond. I think THAT is being nice - responding when addressed on Twitter, and giving that response some genuine thought and attention.

4. Get Over Yourself

Much more importantly (to me), here’s why I follow everyone back: I’m not more important than my followers

I actually think it is kind of impolite to propagate the notion that not following someone back implies that a person feels they are more important than that follower. Again, this is someone reading into an action a specific sentiment that is simply not there. Okay, maybe there are some people on Twitter who are full of themselves, but for the most part, most people on Twitter are just nice and decent people.

When I don't follow someone back, it is mostly because what they tweet about isn't of interest to me. I curate my Twitter stream to contain diverse voices from people who I know and respect or who tweet about things that I'm interested in, new people who seem interesting (including people who are vastly different from me), and a few I may follow purely out of curiosity.

I don't use lists - out of sight, out of mind with me. I just am not in the habit of clicking over to a more finely-tuned curated Twitter list although I do think it is a good idea in theory. Sometimes, I don't follow someone back because I don't know they are following me. I struggle to keep up with the emails from Twitter regarding followers. I struggle keeping up with emails in general. Every once in a while I find a notice someone followed me, and I'm so excited to follow them back to see them in my stream. I love those moments.

5. Be Consistent

How on earth can I tell people to provide Five-Star Customer Service, which is based entirely on manners, when I am impolite myself? So for me, it’s an easy decision.

Again, this implies that not following someone back is impolite which is completely untrue. But I totally agree with Ted that you need to be consistent - and not to please or placate others but really for your own sanity and effectiveness. If you develop your own "rules and rituals" for using Twitter, you spend less time waffling about what to do with Twitter and how to do it. I'm very consistent with how I use Twitter: from the heart. So this means that if I don't post for hours or a day or two, that's okay because when I do, it comes from the heart, I'm sharing a thought or post or tweet that I really, truly want to share. I'm not just tweeting to stay in your stream.

When I follow someone, I really, truly am interested and will do my best to pay attention when I can. I do the best I can, and that is really all anyone should expect of anyone else. Also, not everyone uses Twitter for customer service and that is okay although I do think it is excellent as a customer service tool. I use Twitter for community. And that's okay, too.

6. Sorry: No Exceptions

When I follow a new person, I typically give them a week, maybe two, to follow me back. If they don’t choose to, that’s perfectly fine. But at that point I unfollow them.

Wow, that would have struck me as harsh, but then I remembered that I shouldn't judge another person's personal policy for Twitter. But the other thought that came to mind was "who has the time to pay attention to giving someone a week to follow back." I can't see watching my numbers like a hawk - it just isn't where I focus my energy.

I appreciate it when someone follows and do my best to put things into my stream that inform, inspire and occasionally entertain. But I do occasionally "spring clean" my account and use Manage Flitter to see who isn't following me. I think re-examine their stream and see if it is still interesting to me. If so, I keep following them because they feed my imagination or learning in some way. If not, I may unfollow at that point.

7. Columns = Sanity

 I basically ignore my “All Friends” feed. Instead I set up columns on Tweetdeck that search for key words, hashtags I enjoy, or for lists of special people – my core friends.

Love this recommendation, and it might work for some of you but not for me. I've tried them all. Tweetdeck, Seesmic, Refyner, way too many to list here to zero in on keywords or particular people to refine my stream. Nothing sticks. It just isn't how my brain works. Not everyone loves columns or can manage content consumption in that way. I get to test out new apps weekly to improve my Twitter management, but I keep going back to Twitter.com (yes, the Web site), and immerse myself into the stream for a few minutes at a time when I can.

9. Finding New Peeps

I regularly check in with Tweepi to manage my list, and to find new people to follow who share my interests.

Hey, a site I didn't know about app! Will check it out for finding new people. I find new people to follow sometimes from Twitter email notifications but more often from references in the stream by people I'm already following, by Twitter recommendations, or by random and serendipitous ways which are always delightful. We find our new followers in many ways. Following back everyone who follows you isn't a very efficient way, but maybe it works for some people.

10. Nut Cases

Do I follow wack-jobs, which to me includes some members of fringe political and/or religious groups that offend me? Hmn. I’m always wrestling with this, but typically yes.

Maybe this is a difference between males and females. As a woman, I tend to err on the side of caution and avoid "trouble" by not following back potential "problem" folks who might become antagonistic and take it to DM. I have connected my DMs to SMS because I've always felt if I'm connected with someone on Twitter as a "friend" i.e. we follow one another, then I want to be able to see their DMs in a more prompt manner so give those messages greater access and attention. Another reason not to follow everyone.

11. Egg Heads

Every so often I’ll use Tweepi to find and unfollow egg-heads, those uncommitted souls who have been tweeting for a few weeks or more yet have somehow still failed to post a picture, or even a cartoon, in their avatar.

I usually don't have to unfollow egg-heads because I didn't follow them in the first place. If they are already a known entity to me, I sometimes give them the benefit of the doubt that Twitter has "egged" them because this happens to me every time I update my Twitter avatar - I'm an egg-head for a few hours or sometimes even a few days until the system updates. But in general, if you display a Twitter egg, you probably aren't ready for prime time anyway so I'm less inclined to follow you. If you don't have a bio, I tend to move on without following as well, but that isn't a hard and fast rule because the content of one's stream is where I put the most importance when deciding who to follow.

12. Spammers?

And I unfollow spammers with impunity. Glee, even. There seem to be more and more every week, and they all suck.

Agreed. Although I usually haven't followed them in the first place. If I am considering following someone, I check their stream. If it has the same tweet over and over only addressed to different people, I just report them as spammers and block them. Spammers do suck.

While I did address each one of Ted's points one by one, I have to summarize in saying I don't give following and followers too much thought although I think that if you are just getting started, there are some helpful tips for following.

Here are some of my old Digital Marketer podcasts with tips (and remember: these are based on my own opinion and experiences using Twitter and advising companies and nonprofits about social media - and also based communicating online and building community online since 1992, just to give you some context):

How to Build Your Twitter Community

How to Avoid 7 Common Twitter Mistakes

And some other thoughts about Twitter I posted on Quora:

Answers About Twitter

So I guess you can sum up my theory on following others on Twitter to be: "I follow people who I find interesting and don't worry so much about following or being followed." 

My main goal? To be informative. If I inspire others with my tweets, I am grateful for being able to do that. If I entertain, that's icing on the cake because I don't put myself out there as an entertainer. If one of my tweets makes someone smile or not feel so alone, wow, you can't get any better than that. 

Do you follow everyone who follows you on Twitter? Why or why not?

Comments

[Metsyc]

Thank you thank you thank you. Fantastic post. I've been frustrated lately with people who feel that they get to decide if I follow them (just because they followed me). I check out people who follow me and if I think we have something in common or I can learn from them, then I follow them. Simple as that.

[WhitneyGrayW]

Great post. Would you mind sharing some specific tips on how one can become more "follow worthy"? My own company (@NEXTforWomen) is focused on driving awareness of and sharing our career focused resources with a larger audience of young women as we get ready for our re-launch and would appreciate your insights.

It would also be valuable to hear your thoughts on personal streams as well - I have recently started Tweeting about entrepreneurship and issues facing women in business via my own account @WhitneyGrayW. I tweet what I find interesting but perhaps I need a re-calibration!

[Susan RoAne]

Superb post! I don't follow everyone back for many of the reasons you suggest in spite of being advised to do so. I've been told "it's a courtesy" to follow back. Now I will forward those who mis-advise your well-written, very logicsl,smart post! Thank you!

[SeanMcGinnis]

Great response post! Would love to re-post this on 12 Most some time if you're interested.

I agree with you - good posts provoke thought and discussion. I do NOT follow everyone back and I agree with you that everyone needs to develop a policy that works well for their goals and objectives - and that meshes with how they are using Twitter. My twitter usage has changed about 3 times so far. And I'm sure it will change again, eventually.... Glad I found this!

[Kayross]

I'm with you, Aliza. I absolutely DON'T follow back everyone who follows me (equally, I don't expect everyone I follow to follow me back). Here's my blog post about that, "Convince Me With Your Twitter Bio. Please!" http://budurl.com/vvdr

[Aliza Sherman]

@WhitneyGrayW - You pointed out (privately) that I hadn't followed your personal account back and honestly, I didn't know you had one! I was following your company one and missed the fact you had followed me with your personal one, too.

That is one of the struggles with following back the people you would LIKE to follow - if you don't know they have an account, it isn't usually top of mind to then search for them on Twitter. What I think is really effective is if someone I know @'s me in a tweet - I notice they are there and can immediately follow them.

In terms of specific advice, I see a lot of similar posts on your personal and biz Twitter pages. Maybe think of the biz one as the valuable resource and on your personal one really showcase your personality and opinion. I do sometimes cross-post when appropriate, but each of my (8) Twitter accounts has a distinctive slant. Let one of your accounts introduce us to your business and all it offers young professionals and let your personal account introduce us to you. Make sense?

In terms

[Aliza Sherman]

@Metsyc I think it is wise to be clear and have a simple "policy" or method for follow backs. Takes the stress out of it all!

@SusanRoAne I hope send them this post helps! I always cringe when I see people making ill-informed assumptions based on bad advice. Yikes!

@SeanMcGinnis Sent you an @ message on Twitter. Would love to be reposted!

@Kayross Great tips about Twitter bios! Going back to re-examine mine now!

[KyEkinci]

..excellent response and an excellent post Aliza. I do however like using the 'lists' for more effective listening based on my interests and sort through the noise. It's essentially what google+ circles concept is based on; which to me validates the usefulness of the lists. Though because they were introduced much later building them were a bit burdensome..

[5Minaday]

Totally agree, especially with #7. I love the idea of keeping it simple.

PS. Are you testing us or did you mistakenly only include 11? Where is #8?

thx for sharing!
Craig

[GinaCarr]

Terrific post Aliza. However, I must admit that I follow everyone back. Still I enjoyed hearing how your point of view. I use Socialoomph for this and just have it set on autofollow back for everyone. Just seemed more efficient for me. I'm sharing this with my tribe. I know they will enjoy it.

Gina Carr
www.twitter.com/ginacarr

[TheNextMartha]

I agree and people need to set their own twitter rules. I don't follow everyone back either. I will follow back if they reply to me or if their stream is interesting enough. I will also follow people even if they don't follow me. If I find them interesting, that is what matters to me. The one thing I am against on twitter are those who use programs that are set up to follow people. Seems so ingenuous. You can always tell who they are because they follow about 1,500 more people than who follow them. I steer clear.

[CraftLass]

Great piece! I'm completely with you on using lists and search columns, it only makes Twitter complicated and the beauty of the service is in it's simplicity. Besides, I use list and hashtag columns for specific events and groups that I need to focus on at the moment, which already creates too many to effectively watch.
Honestly, I think it's FAR ruder to follow someone back yet not read their tweets. When someone follows me I assume they are actually seeing some of what I post (not all, after all, most of us have lives off-Twitter as well).
I don't read new follower emails, even, I tend to follow people I find through having conversations with them or seeing them have great ones with my current tweeps. As it is, following over 900 people who add great value to my stream, it's hard to keep up!
I'm also pretty harsh about unfollows, if someone consistently detracts from my stream (e.g.: constant negativity) or abuses the privilege of DMing I have no qualms about unfollowing regardless of whether they follow me. The other great beauty of Twitter is the lack of necessary mutuality.
Following someone is letting them into your head on a daily basis. Not everyone belongs there!

[Erick Pettersen]

Hey Aliza,

Great post. I agree with all of these. When I first started using Twitter, my policy was to use it to gather and disseminate information my audience would find useful. Over time, it has remained that, as well as it has become more of a conversational tool to me.

I find it interesting that while we both use columns and lists, we use them in slightly different ways. The reason I originally set up lists was to give my followers a place to find people within my stream they might find of interest to follow. That remains the primary reason; though, I use a couple of my lists to keep up with a handful of Twitter friends', who understand that Twitter (and social media, in general) is about conversation.

Anyhow, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's always a joy to glean from your your insight.

Erick