travelgirl: give a girl an open road...

OneWebDay

In honor of OneWebDay, I am posting to all my blogs a little story about how I first got started on the Web...

True Story: In August 1994, I was held up at gunpoint on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and kidnapped with a friend. Three guys, three guns. They took us down the block at gunpoint to the nearest ATM machine to take out money. It was dark and suddenly there was nobody on the street except for us. Long story short, we escaped, and I lived to tell the tale.

I left New York City for a month to regroup. Went to Santa Fe to visit my sister who was living there at the time. Now I'd been going online in one form or another since 1987 when I bought my first computer - an Amstrad 1640 dual floppy (no harddrive). The IBM of the UK, I was told when I bought it. I also purchased a modem (1200 baud?) and learned how to access local BBSs - bulletin board systems or computers in somebody's room or basement.

After I realized I could chat with others online and discovered the wonders of e-mail, I began networking with other women through America Online (which at the time was the smallest of the 3 big commercial online services - Prodigy was #1, CompuServe #2) and Women's Wire (which had almost 1000 members at the time). I also started consulting clients about Internet communications and marketing. This was 1992.

So back to Santa Fe, December 1994. I learned about the Web when I saw an ad in the local arts paper. "Discover the World Wide Web" said the ad. I had no idea what the World Wide Web was but I saw an e-mail address. E-mail I knew. So I e-mailed a query and found out that a guy was teaching a class on HTML in town. I took a 2 hour class for $10 in basic HTML and was immediately an expert. Well, in that amount of time, I learned all there was to learn - it was so easy back then.

I began building web sites and published my first one when I got back to NYC in January 1995. I called it "The Web According to Cybergrrl." I had decided not to use my real name online because I wasn't sure who was reading (we've come a long way, baby). So I drew a cartoon character of myself and called her "Cybergrrl" - "Cyber" because I had read and loved William Gibson's book "Neuromancer" where he coined the term "cyberspace" and "grrl" because I wasn't a "girl" and it was sort of a nod to the Riot Grrrl movement.

That month, I began pounding the pavement looking for clients for the new business I dreamed up - Web consulting. I called the company CGIM which stood for Cybergrrl Internet Media. I was wary of calling my company Cybergrrl because I wanted to be taken seriously in the decidedly male-dominated tech industry. Within a few months, everyone was calling me Cybergrrl anyway. My first client was the brand new New Media Director at the New York Times who would sneak me into his office after hours to teach him how to surf the Web and set up an account with an ISP because he knew CD-Roms but didn't know the first thing about the Internet.

My personal web site quickly became Cybergrrl.com, Cybergrrl, Inc.'s first official site for women followed by Webgrrls.com which had started out as an old-fashioned blog - literally a Web Log listing women's web sites around the world. Then we built the first searchable directory of exclusively web sites for women and girls called Femina.com in direct response to the fact that searching for "women" or "girls" on Yahoo.com at the time yielded nothing but pornography. Yeah, this was back in the day when Yahoo was just a side project for two kids in college and Cybergrrl was the most popular women's web site.

About a year later, Women's Wire went online with Women.com (I had approached them in early 1995 to help put them on the Web but they didn't have see the point at the time). Half a year after that, Candice Carpenter and Nancy Evans put up iVillage.com (I had lunch with them a few months before their launch and then held Webgrrls meetings at their offices after they debuted). Both were well-funded endeavors while Cybergrrl started as just me, my PowerBook and some hot pink business cards.

People ask why I'm not a millionaire if I started at the beginning of this whole Web thing and am known as the "woman who pioneered the Web for other women." The honest answer is two-fold:

1. I never set out to make a million - I was just hoping to pay my bills. Like so many women, I just wanted to do a good thing and love what I do. I figured the money would follow. I didn't take a salary for the first few years then took about half of what the receptionist made after.

2. I had a business partner who had a totally different vision for the company than I did. We clashed all the time. I finally walked away from the company and never saw a dime after that. I was able to continue to refer to myself as "The Original Cybergrrl" and "Founder of Webgrrls International," but I lost all of it.

Such is life. And that, in a nutshell, is my early Web story.

Article: RETREATS FOR THE SOUL

by Aliza Sherman Risdahl (Travelgirl)

Never having enough time in the day has always been my excuse for not doing something for myself. Sound familiar?

When I had the opportunity to attend a retreat, my first reaction was, "No time," even though the retreat fell on a weekend and I'd only miss three days of work. Pulling myself away has always seemed impossible.

The retreat was called "A Fine Balance," organized by Mind Over Mountains (www.mindovermountains.com) and led by Kim Reynolds, a life coach and yoga and outdoors enthusiast.

"I wanted to combine the best of many worlds - to focus on topics that are important to women and create an environment where women can discuss these topics," says Kim, describing the blend of yoga, outdoor activities and life coaching sessions. "The outdoors has a profound effect on people, and I wanted to weave those lessons into the experience the become metaphors for life."

"Every woman needs to look inside herself when she becomes too busy and see what she is distracting herself from," advises Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul. "The biggest problem for women is that they do not create time for themselves and feel that they must do everything. This leads to health issues and high stress levels."

PUSHING PAST FEAR

"A Fine Balance" was held at the Chipeta Lodge and Resort in Ridgway, Colorado, nestled in a lush valley surrounded by rugged mountain ranges. Accommodations were cushy, meals were gourmet, and the spa treatments included in the package were luxurious. But then there were the hikes.

I like leisurely walks, but the first hike lasted over three hours through forest, open fields, and up mountains. Every step I took was more painful than the last, and I cursed each time my boot hit the ground.

Later, I realized how angry I had been throughout the hike. As I talked about my feelings with the other women on the retreat, I voiced that my anger stemmed from a childhood fear: I correlated a fast-beating heart with imminent death.

The experience made me see how much deep-rooted emotions can rule our lives and choices we make. Even our professional paths can be affected by childhood fears. A fear of asking for a raise, for example, could be based on a lifelong fear of rejection.

Lesson #1 - To get past present challenges, we must look at what deeper emotions and fears might be dictating our choices or preventing us from making the right choices.

REFUSING TO GIVE UP

Rock climbing was the next day's activity, and although I had never climbed, I wasn't afraid. One of the other women, Margie Walker, confessed to a lifetime fear of heights but was determined to climb.

Margie later admitted that it was challenging for her to rely on others for help. "I was forced to trust the rope and the belay team supporting me by falling back into the harness and walking backwards to the bottom," she said, describing the people at the end of the rope, holding it taut to keep her secure. She felt she had a personal breakthrough on the climb.

For me, the first climb was enjoyable. The second climb was another story.

As soon as I was off the ground, a voice inside my head screamed "This is impossible. Give up!" I was shocked. I never considered myself as a person who gave up easily, but now I felt defeated.

"I can't do it," I said aloud.

Kim Reynold's husband, who was belaying for me, replied, "Yes, you can."

Focus on those words, I thought. "I can." This is all about my mind, and my mind is very strong. "I can do it," I repeated to myself, over and over again. "Just do it, dammit!" I exclaimed and pushed through the shakiness of my leg muscles, the exhaustion of my arm muscles.

I lifted myself to the next hold and the next. I kept climbing and suddenly reached the top of the rock. I cried with relief.

Lesson #2 - Don't give up. Even when you think you can't do something, there is always a way. Accept the help and encouragement of others. Believe in yourself. Knowing you can do something is half the battle.

CHANGING ATTITUDES

On the last hike, altitude was a factor as we rose to nearly 10,000 feet. I was determined to change my attitude from the first day's hike. Instead of cursing each step, I thought positive, loving things. "I love you trees, I love you sky," I said to the rhythm of my walking.

"Are you limping?" Kim asked halfway through the hike.

My shoes don't fit very well," I admitted. "I think my socks are too thick."

Kim encouraged me to change my socks, so I did. While my feet were already blistered and bruised, the thinner socks did reduce some discomfort.

"I love you trees, I love you sky," I chanted, my steps lighter and faster. While I can't say I loved the hike, I can say that I did it.

Lesson #3 - Negative thoughts and attitudes can bog us down and prevent us from moving forward. Negativity can make everything we do seem difficult. A simple change in attitude could turn a drudgery into something more bearable.

TAKE A RETREAT

According to Jill Murphy Long, author of "Permission to Play: Taking Time to Renew Your Smile," short retreats can provide "essential and crucial 'me time' - time for self-care." Getting away offers "an opportunity to recharge and rejuvenate the mind, body and spirit. Whether you do absolutely nothing but sit on the sand and watch the waves or climb to the top of a high mountain, this time is needed now and frequently."

A retreat can help develop creativity and improve focus, she says, and from my own experience, I have to agree. I learned more about myself in 5 days than I had in the last 5 years, all because I took a chance, rearranged my priorities and gave myself permission to leave work behind to explore a new terrain - myself.

NOTE: I tried to sell this article to Travelgirl magazine, among others, but never heard back. So here it is! If you are interested in reprinting it, email me.

ESSAY: taking life on the road

by Aliza Sherman Risdahl - The Original Travelgirl

It was the Year 2000, and I began dreaming of driving cross-country, getting away from New York City where I had lived for over ten, fast-paced, high-pressured years.

So I did what any Internet savvy woman would do. I went online to research cars for my mythical cross-country drive. Then, on a whim, I began looking up RVs, as in recreational vehicles, motorhomes. Even though I had never even seen an RV up close, I reasoned that my drive across the country would be more affordable if I could live in my mode of transport.

In August 2000, I bought a 23-foot, 1977 Dodge Apache Class C motor home. Class C motor homes look like U-Haul trucks with a bunk over the cab of the truck. Class A motorhomes look more like buses and Class B motorhomes are converted vans.

As I drove out of New York City in September of 2000, I welcomed the simplified lifestyle and compact living space of my RV, taking only my two Chihuahuas and some carefully selected possessions.

Interested in taking a road trip? Here's some ways you can make it happen.

Before You Leave:

1. Assess your work situation. Can you take time off work? Can you afford to leave your job or business entirely? Or can you telecommute from the road? At the time, I had two books coming out the same year and several steady freelance writing assignments. Being on the road meant I could do book signings to promote the books and having some writing work meant some money in the bank each month.

2. Assess your bank account. Can you spend the next 3-6 months skimming some money off of each paycheck and tucking it away where you won't touch it until you leave? Tax return checks are great for the Road Trip Fund. I took part of the advance for my third book and bought the RV, with about $1000 left over for repairs and supplies.

3. Assess your vehicle situation. Do you have a roomy SUV, mini-van or station wagon where a foam mat and sleeping bag could fit comfortably? Or can you trade in or sell your current vehicle to purchase a new or used RV? I hadn't owned a car for over a decade while living in New York City so I paid $5500 cash for a used RV from its third owners.

4. Assess your travel tolerance. Do you like to drive? Remember: Road Trip means driving, even if you share the wheel. Since driving a big RV was a physical challenge for me, I made sure my daily road time was under 6 hours and took breaks every 2 hours or so.

5. Assess your solitude tolerance. Can you stand to be alone? If not, plan your trip so you have a mix of alone time and social time. I made a point of camping mostly at KOA Kampgrounds (www.koa.com) because I knew they were clean, safe and had a nice group of campers who I could socialize with if I wanted.

Safety Issues:

Traveling alone can be both exhilarating and a little scary. I devised several strategies to stay safe on the road including:

1. Don't talk to strangers. Unless they were an elderly couple or I was at a "safe" location like a KOA Kampground or are other women alone. While I wished I could have had the same freedom afforded a man traveling on his own, the reality was, I'd rather err on the side of caution than end up in a compromising situation. Other women I know talked to everyone they encountered and never had a problem. Only you can know what is right for you, but whatever you do, be smart.

2. Wear a wedding band. A woman alone attracts lone men. At almost every gas station, men tried to strike up a conversation or even invite themselves on the road with me. I'd always suggest that I am NOT traveling alone and that my husband was in the store/in the RV/in the bathroom. Then their eyes would move to my hand and see a fake wedding band I had purchased just for these occasions and they'd walk away.

3. Have a good cellphone plan. For the road, I found that AT&T Wireless had the most comprehensive coverage at the time which was not only helpful from a safety standpoint but meant I could also get online almost daily with a cellular modem and my laptop. Believe me, an affordable cellphone plan that has limited coverage doesn't seem worth the savings when you break down on a deserted road at night. Don't be afraid to call 911 if you even sense trouble. Better safe than sorry.

4. Choose reputable campgrounds. There are several great campground directories such as Trailer Life and Woodalls that you can get online or order at any bookstore. Both rate and review the campgrounds. You can also order a KOA Kampground directory from their website (www.koa.com) and will find locations around most major cities and right off of most major interstates. State parks can be very affordable and a little more rustic, but before camping for the night, take a look around at your neighbors. Sometimes, I found that I was the only woman there and chose to drive on to the next campground.

Going solo on the road is a great way to see the country and discover a little more about yourself in the process.